Brought to You By the Letter B

Bullets:

• BOY - Inhabitant is Team Blue! We had our follow up scan to get the rest of the measurements (all good, kiddo measuring slightly ahead as usual), cervix and placenta doing just fine and we have an official sex ID. We can now refer to the offspring as "He". And He is very active. He also feels very strongly about mealtimes. I get a flurry of kicks and punches every time I eat. This is immensely reassuring.
• Boobs - Had a bit of a scare here this week. I have developed what *may* be mastitis, but no one can confirm this. It doesn't hurt or itch, but things are pink and warm and inflamed. Midwife gave me antibiotics which made no difference, so I got an urgent appointment for a breast ultrasound. While this failed to yield a diagnosis, it did uncover two small masses in one breast, one of which needed a biopsy. It turned out to be cyst, so a HUGE relief. I am now off to a dermatologist to try again for a diagnosis as I am unwilling to just keep trying different antibiotics in the hope that one will do the trick. Sigh.
• Belly - Totally eclipsed by the boobs (in size). At my almost-20 week weigh in, I was up a total of six pounds from my pre-BFP weight. My mom gained twelve total with me, so six seems OK for the halfway point. I'm pretty sure five of those pounds are in my bra. My belly still looks more bloated than anything. I was a little concerned about this, but the scan shows the Inhabitant is growing just fine, even slightly ahead of schedule. Must just be how I'm built. I admit, I feel like it would be nice to actually look pregnant. Only one person has guessed at work so far. They asked my boss (but not me?), and haven't said anything aside from that.
• Basketcase - I finally broke down and bought the Baby Bargains book in an effort to prepare myself for the onslaught of stuff that will need to be acquired in order to support the Inhabitant once he makes it to the outside. I made it about half way through the first section (discussion of nursery furniture, specifically cribs) and freaked right the fuck out. Ended up hiding under the duvet in tears. One week later and I'm not exactly certain why I freaked out, but I just couldn't deal. I asked Twitter for some advice and after a brief chat with Prof, we decided just to check at the Ikea near his Mom's house later. Neither of us is up to thinking that far ahead just yet. Ostrichville, I tell you.

Transfer (and Correction)

Transfer went smoothly - two eight-cell embryos! You gotta love those high-res ultrasound machines - and seeing the little white bubble left behind when they pulled back the catheter. I was instructed to take two days of couch-rest (no cooking/cleaning or other exertion) and we got a little picture to take home.

It turns out, since we had fewer than 10 viable eggs they used ICSI on all of them. All eight that fertilized were still growing at the time of transfer, though the embryologist did say some of them were growing slowly and wouldn't be expected to make it to freeze (he didn't say how many). He will call us later this week to let us know the final stats.

We have also started the PIO shots and I am happy to report that so far, it does not hurt one bit. Prof has lots of IM injection experience from the days when he helped care for his Dad, so I'm guessing that helps. Dare I hope this will continue to be the case?

So now, we wait. Of course my RE is one of those who like a little extra time before beta, so it will be nearly Thanksgiving before we have any real results. We are still debating the wisdom of POAS (I am pro and Prof is con). I am remarkably calm for now and very much aware that if this going to work, it will work and there's not much else I can do. 

No More Needle Naps

It just occurred to me that I never updated you on my first visit to the new acupuncturist. I know you were all holding your breath waiting for that information, so you can relax now - I'll put you out of your misery. First a quick recap.

Short Story: I've been seeing the same acupuncturist for about 10 years for various ailments here and there. She occasionally tried to get me to take herbs, but I'm not going there. Just can't do it. She got pushy, so I fired her. Long Story.

Things that are different:

• New acu is a man, old acu was a woman. Wasn't sure how that would play out, but it turned out fine.
• New acu is in my town, not the next town over. The shorter commute is certainly nice!
• New acu is a fertility specialist, recommended by my clinic. He doesn't criticize my clinic - imagine that.
• He is not recommending herbs for my protocol. I asked upfront.
• He is very hands-on, makes constant adjustments. He schedules one patient at a time and never leaves the room. 
• He doesn't take insurance. I'll have to submit claims myself, but at this point, whatever.

No more needle naps for me.

Score One for Me in 2010 (I guess...)

I've just been reviewing my recent health insurance claims from the last few months of 2010 and I noticed something unusual.

Perhaps I should back up a bit. I am mildly ashamed to admit that I very rarely bother to review my processed claims. It's so rare that I have an issue, and the bills I receive from providers are almost always minimal. So I usually just go with whatever they send.

Now that my brain is emerging from the fog that was the end of 2010, I realize that I never received ANY kind of bill for the second opinion back at the beginning of November. Nada. Zilch. Not even lab work, which would have come from the lab directly. And that includes the much debated AMH test which my insurance informed me in advance would definitely not be a covered expense.

And I vaguely remember a phone call from the specialty pharmacy at the beginning of December during which the billing rep told me they would be refunding my copayment for the last batch of Gon.alF I ordered in August because my insurance paid it in full.

That's weird, why would they have done that?

With these nagging little items gaining ground in my consciousness, I decided to investigate. So I went online to review my recent claims. Those charges were all in there, claims processed and completed. Under the column heading "You Pay Out of Pocket", each one said $0.00. This goes all the way back to mid-August.

There's a thought pinging around in the recesses of my mind, but I don't know where it came from exactly. I think I met my out-of-pocket limit for the year. For the first time in my life. After which point, my insurance paid for everything.

Does that actually happen?

Post-Op Update (In a Nutshell)

In a nutshell, it would be a little cramped!

Done groaning and rolling your eyes? Good, moving on.

WE ARE (moving on that is)!

Thank you all so much for your thoughts and wishes last week. The post-operative appointment was super simple. We sat and chatted with our RE for about 30 minutes. That's it. The first thing he asked was if I remembered talking to him afterward, and I must admit at this point, I do not remember that. He didn't seem surprised.

He reviewed the surgery (actually pretty cool). He had a transcript of sorts which he read back to us, with all kinds of details, and photos too. There were actually multiple polyps that he removed, then followed the removal with a "light" D&C. Professor was really getting into all of the minute detail in the transcript, right down to the measurement of fluids found to have leaked back out and onto the floor of the operating room after the surgery.

The tissue he removed was sent to pathology and all came back clear. We are on the books for our final IUI as soon as my next CD1 turns up, and in the meantime, we were instructed to go home and get busy! Next week, I will call up the specialty pharmacy and refill my IUI meds.

We are still in the middle of the road, but the engine is running and we are in gear.

A Little Help FOR My Friend

I never cease to be amazed at how many people have stumbled into my little corner of Blogland, and how generous you all are.

I want to ask a favor of my readers who are IVF veterans, and I promise it won't cost you more than a few minutes of time! Please pop over to see my dear Twitter friend Jen (@thisispersonal) at This Is More Personal and give her the benefit of your experience. She is embarking on her very first IVF and is looking for some tips on managing the emotional/mental/psychological side of the trip.

Knowing you are out there has made this last six months so much easier to bear. Thank you all for the love you have shown me, for your comments and concern, just for being YOU!

Middle of the Road

That's where I am.

Tomorrow is my post-operative check with the RE. No idea what that will involve.

It will be CD11 and I should be ovulating soon but I won't be bothering with OPKs. While I am hoping to be given the all clear to resume relations with the Professor, I'm not really even thinking about conception. I just miss the grooving!

I figure we'll be doing another stimulated IUI with my next CD1, when it comes. Should put me firmly in a 2WW for our Florida vacation in February. Based on our previous history with this protocol, I don't really expect much.

After that, IVF.

In the meantime, I'm standing here in the middle of my road. I have a route planned, but I'm not rolling just yet. And I'm OK with that. Who would have thought?

I Woke Up!

Obviously, or you wouldn't be reading this!

A big warm fuzzy hug to all of my Twitter girls who checked in on me throughout the day yesterday! That was so heartwarming - thank you all!

The hysteroscopy is done and dusted. The pre-op nurse thought I was so very funny because of the expression on my face when she went to insert the IV. I didn't see any humor there.

I admit, I don't cope well with the pre-op experience. I have some pretty deep seated fears of the anesthesia. I am terrified of not being in control of my body, and equally concerned about the possibility of not waking up (though that, at least, would be painless). So there I am struggling just to stay in the chair, and not pull out the IV and break for the door, and I have to be interviewed by every freaking member of the surgical team in turn without breaking into tears (because they really don't like that). It was exhausting.

I remember laying down on the table and getting hooked up to the monitors, then my RE poking his head in and asking me to confirm my identity. Then nothing until I woke up in recovery freezing cold and shaking and with a damn painful need to pee. Turns out I can't perform on a bedpan... it's a toilet or nothing for this girl. I was in a fair bit of pain in recovery, so they gave me a perc.ocet with my ginger ale and I haven't had any pain since. I did not puke this time! Small victories.

I slept on and off for the rest of the day. Every time I tried to sit up for more than a few minutes, or eat something, I got nauseated.  Professor very kindly went out in search of cookies during the evening, when that was the only thought my stomach didn't rebel at. I eventually managed some chicken noodle soup and crackers with my ginger ale, and this morning I felt back to normal. Yay!

I got to take home three large, glossy photos of my polyp. It turned out to be just one, but it was long and twisty. The RE said it was a little bit bigger than expected (though still very small) and he had to use a different tool than usual to remove it, but he was happy with the end result. I did get a really flattering and surprisingly comfortable pair of soft, stretchy boy shorts to wear home. When did hospital undies get so fashion conscious?

Questions I asked before they put me out, that I do remember the answers to:

How long should I expect to bleed? 
Light spotting for 2-14 days, everyone is different.

When can we have sex?
No penetration till after the post-op appointment on January 6.

When can we cycle again? 
As expected, this depends on when I get my next period. And what I didn't realize, is that when you go under general anesthesia, your cycle can reset itself. There's no way of knowing where you are in your cycle when you wake up. So this is a wait-&-see situation.

Does the cervical manipulation involved increase the likelihood that I could need a rescue cerclage in a subsequent pregnancy?
 My RE doesn't think so.

Hysteroscopy

Scheduled for Friday afternoon. I call in Thursday afternoon to get the exact time. No food after midnight Thursday, so I'm gonna be REALLY hungry.

Wondering what to expect afterward. How long will I bleed? How much will I hurt and for how long? When we can have Relations again? When can we cycle again?

What questions am I forgetting to ask?

One Small Step

Got the pre-op appointment out of the way today.

Quick recap:

Dr. Spa proved true to type, didn't include ANY measurements of the polyps on the saline sono-thing report that they forwarded to my real RE. Of course.

Dr. Real gave me a pre-op physical hisveryownself. Took a while, but he located one tiny tiny polyp on the ultrasound and maybe two even smaller ones, but they were so small that he couldn't be sure. The one he definitely saw was so small that no one would have seen it if they weren't really searching just for that.

All the paperwork is done. I call with CD1 and they start looking for an available OR slot. He is confident we can get this done in December. One step closer to the next step.

Second Opinion (Think Again)

I went today for the saline hysterosonograph at the second opinion clinic. First thing I asked was if they had my blood work back from last week. They did (so why didn't they call me with the results?) and the verdict is:

FSH = 10.7
AMH = .33

The FSH is up from 9.1 in September. I have yet to consult Dr. Google about these results, but only because the doctor was pretty clear in her analysis. Basically it could be much worse, but this isn't very good news. They will have to push me a little harder to get a good response for IVF. Not a big surprise at any rate.

That conversation out of the way, we moved on to the saline thingy. My overall impression of the whole procedure was "wet". The doctor kept asking me how much pain I was in, but honestly, I never felt a thing other than wet. I kept waiting for her to get started, and it wasn't until I saw what was happening on screen that I realized what she was doing. The upshot is there are a few very small polyps at the top of my uterus. She didn't think they would necessarily prevent me getting pregnant, but they might. She did say it would not be a great thing to get pregnant with them in there because they could get larger and bleed and cause problems, and it would be better to have them out before going any further.

The only thing that makes me think this really does need to be done is that this office can't do it. They suggested I have my regular OB perform the hysteroscopy. I had them send the records to both my midwife and my original RE. I'll discuss it with them both before moving forward on anything, but it looks like this puts us out of the running for a December IUI. Which also puts IVF further in the future.

I wonder how fast my FSH is rising...

Saturday Night Fever

In true Slackie fashion, I am spending Saturday night curled up on the couch with the cats. Professor is on his way to Paris for the week on business, so I'm feeling a bit sorry for myself. Sure I've been to Paris before and yeah it's only a week and he'll be in meetings for ten hours a day, but I'm spoiled. I would have preferred either to go with him or for him not to go at all.

So here I sit, fretting about the airplane he is on (which had a malfunction necessitating de-planing for a while) and focusing perhaps to an unhealthy degree on the likely next steps in our IF journey. God it's awesome being thirty-eight!

I'm doing a lot of thinking about IVF even though we still have one last IUI to do.  I've done a little more digging to see if there is anywhere in reasonable driving distance that we should consider for a proper second opinion, and all signs continue to point to our original clinic being the top IF group in our area. I can't help wishing that we had gotten a real second opinion. I feel like last week's appointment was mostly just a look at what not to do. I've revisited the IVF success rates for our Chosen Clinic versus our "Second Opinion" and the Chosen Clinic has much better numbers. In reviewing their standard protocols, it looks as though for patients my age (38) with my diagnosis (unexplained), they recommend both assisted hatching and ICSI.

I'm still waiting on the blood work results from the second opinion appointment. The AMH takes about ten days to get results because it has to be sent away for the test, so I'll be waiting a while yet. This Tuesday I have a saline sonohysterograph as I've never had one. I'm slightly nervous, but don't really expect to find anything problematic there. After that I will just wait for CD1,which will be around December 5th. Then it will be full steam ahead on injectible IUI#3! I bet I have my baseline the same day as the IVF info session at our clinic. Any takers? The timing will actually be pretty good, with stimming, monitoring and IUI all wrapped up just days before the family descend on us for Christmas. I'll know the outcome by New Year's.

I'm trying not to think about what the new year might hold.

Second Opinion (Second Thoughts)

I have to preface this by saying that when we started fertility treatments, we did our research and asked around before we settled on our original choice of RE. We didn't take cost into consideration at all. The clinic we just visited for our second opinion was presented to us a few times as being a really excellent and less expensive option (and my acupuncturist went so far as to say it was better than our original choice), so we were confident that we chose the best for the first go around, but had this highly recommended back-up for our second opinion.

The best word to describe the second opinion is BIZARRE. If nothing else, the experience highlighted the fact that for the last twelve months, we have been in treatment at the premiere fertility clinic in our area.

Y'all. The place is a spa. That's the only way to describe it. It looks from the outside like a boutique hotel with beautifully landscaped grounds. When we walked in the door, we were standing in front of a hostess desk boasting ads for specials on Ave.da make-up and could see a huge glossy display of OPI nail polish in the room down the hall.

All I could think was "WTF?"

Things just got weirder from there. The receptionist offered us coffee from the new coffee shop they had just opened downstairs and seated us in what looked like a living room with a roaring fireplace and a huge display of self-help books and even oracle cards for sale.

My records still hadn't been entered in the system, even though they'd had them for over a week. The doctor wasn't on the premises yet and it was already nine o'clock. When they finally got my info in the system and the doctor came in for the consult, things seemed to start looking up a bit. Until it became clear that he hadn't really looked at my records. The first thing he said after a quick glance over our treatment history was "You've really been through the ringer!" He asked the right questions and gave good answers to the questions we asked, but still. He briefly reviewed our treatment history and jumped straight to the IVF talk. He was enthusiastic about getting me the AMH test and a couple of other basics that haven't been done. He also was quite clear that for someone my age, he would transfer 3-4 embryos in IVF. Y'all, I'm not comfortable with that!

All of the decor was a posh mixture of Mediterranean/Asian/ShabbyChic (even in the ultrasound rooms). It was like going for a facial and getting wanded instead. They left Professor and I alone a few times throughout the appointment, and we both just kept looking at each other with wide eyes. It was really kinda hard to believe it was for real. And TWICE before we left, the nurse mentioned all of the workshops, yoga classes, massage and acupuncture services, etc. that they also offer onsite. I'm sure that for some people, this would be a very warm, relaxing, comforting environment, and I hope those people can find this place and can make all their dreams come true. I, however, am definitely not one of those people.

BIZARRE.

At the very least, we will get the tests this new guy suggested and since today just happened to be CD1, they were even able to do a blood draw for those. We'll then be comfortable going back to our original RE and placing ourselves and our finances unreservedly in his care. I think I'm ready now for a final IUI in December.

*Bonus update: We have achieved yet another unmedicated 14 day luteal phase! Yippee!

Benched & Back at the Drawing Board

Well, I went in for a baseline appointment this morning (CD4). I started crying before I even got out of the waiting room. I held together so well over this past weekend. If you had asked me on Friday or Saturday, I would have told you that I was disappointed but not surprised that the cycle failed. Yes, I was concerned about the repeated 9 day luteal phase, but I didn't shed a single tear. Until I walked into the RE office this morning.

This appointment was with one of my favorite nurses, and her first question "How are you doing?" set me crying again. After verifying that Confuterus was still in there, she checked the ovaries and WHY HELLO THERE giant cyst on Rightie! Leftie had a bunch of little follies prepping to go, but Rightie had one huge cyst left over from that one huge Follie of Fail.

I had a chance to discuss things with her after I retrieved my pants and my dignity. Benched without question, and depending on estrogen levels, I might need to suppress with BCPs before the next round could begin. She told me that my official RE was in today and would be reviewing my results, but she felt like it was time for me to go ahead and schedule another consult with him. Even she agreed that the plan as it stands would need changing. When my eyes started leaking again, she suggested I avail myself of the free counselor they keep on staff.

Free counselor on staff? Uh... OK. Done.

Another cool thing about my clinic is that whichever nurse sees you for monitoring is the nurse that calls you later in the day to discuss your results and next steps. This means she already knows where you're "at" and it makes the follow up more comfortable. So when she called, she knew what my questions and concerns had been and had the answers ready.

• Estrogen only slightly high, no suppression needed (relief).
• Another round of GonalF (dosage tweaked again)
• AM/PM progesterone supps + oral progesterone (we'll see)

I'm kinda bummed that I'm benched for Leftie's month and will be trying this adjusted plan with Rightie AGAIN. I need to be sure to ask my RE what he plans to do to get a better response out of Rightie next time.

Much Ado About Nothing

Y'all that totally did not hurt.

We've started the GonalF shots. I say "we" because the Professor is currently performing the injections for me. I say "currently" because now that I know exactly how little they hurt, I am determined to do this myself (under his expert supervision) before we are finished. I think I'll still let him do most of them for a number of reasons. I know I have an hourglass figure, but I somehow never realized until this evening how tricky it is to look directly at my belly because my boobs stick out so far. It's a curse. More than that though, I want the Professor to be as heavily involved in this process as possible. And I like when he does stuff to take care of me. Sticking me with a tiny needle and injecting me with hormones totally counts as taking care of me, especially since I was so scared to begin with.

I was so anxious about this first shot that I couldn't even think about food when I got home from work, in spite of my hunger. I basically sat on the couch and waited for eight o'clock to roll around. I re-read the instructions that came with the injector pen. I made the Professor re-read the instructions as well. I had him recite the procedure in full detail from memory as we set up shop in the bathroom.

I pinched. He poked. We counted to five and it was over. I barely felt it.

Professor admitted after the fact that in spite of his experience at this particular task, it had been hard to do that to me, because it was ME. I assured him it really was painless and we had a good giggle about how anxious I'd made both of us.

God I'm starving! Time to order a pizza to celebrate!

Best Laid Plans

So for anyone who doesn't follow me on Twitter (and why aren't you following me on Twitter!?!), a brief recap of the "revisions" to the Plan for this cycle:

Plan went overboard with much mad flailing in the waters. Acupuncturist threw out a life vest, and RE rescue boat pulled it out of the water.

So the Plan WAS Clomid with monitoring on CD12 to set Hcg trigger time followed by IUI, with acupuncture before ovulation (CD11) and again after IUI for good measure. I was really nervous about the Hcg trigger shot, in spite of the many reassurances of my fabulous tweeps. But I am a Big Girl, and I will do what needs to be done (or at least let the Professor do it to me).

Now, I know that I tend to get a positive OPK a little earlier than might be expected (CD12) given that the CrazyPills should push ovulation out a bit. So I have gotten in the habit of starting the OPKs on CD10. This cycle, I wasn't going to use the OPK since we were going to use the trigger shot, but SOMETHING made me grab a stick on my way out the door to work on CD11. I told myself that I had two OPKs in the cabinet, and with houseguests impending, I needed to get rid of them.

Good thing, too. It was positive. Well that explains the achy ovaries...

Crap.

Suddenly, the entire Plan was in disarray. Frantic call to RE to see what they wanted to do, and we scheduled in for an IUI Friday morning. All I could think was "I didn't test yesterday, what if it would have shown the surge YESTERDAY? It's too early, why is it so early? What if we've missed it?" All of this followed by a recurring string of profanity, from which I will preserve your delicate eyes/ears.

I left work early to go to my CD11 "pre-ovulation" acupuncture session in quite a state of anxiety.  The only ray of hope I could see was that the Professor and I seem to have seriously superior instincts about these things, and we had indulged those instincts the day before. Right on time. My acupuncturist felt like all of this was no big deal, we had done what needed to be done and she adjusted the treatment to be a post-insemination treatment. The IUI would just be back-up. She must have added something else in to the mix, because I slept through almost the whole hour and a half treatment and woke up feeling calm and reasonable again.

Friday morning IUI went smoothly, administered by our favorite nurse, Nurse FunnyBone. I had her once before and really love her sense of humor, sensitivity and down-to-earth confidence. She had them add in E2 and LH blood work to verify that the OPK positive was accurate. I don't know how they did it so fast, but they called with the results two hours later. Ovulation confirmed.

At least I've already got the progesterone supp's in the fridge!

Here we go...

Cycle Number... Hell, I'm Losing Count

CD3 baseline appointment went well. Confuterus is still in there, slightly less confused at the moment. Rightie was hanging out, a cyst free grey shadow on the monitor. There was a brief moment of terror when she aimed the magic wand at my left ovary and I saw three distinct dark circles along one side. But she just said, "Looks good" and went on clicking out measurements. So I asked what the dark spots were and she went back to them.

"Three follicles at the starting gate - you are ready to go!"

No cysts (thank God) and the blood work came back clear as well. I'll start back on the Clomid this Friday, go back for monitoring the next Friday and get my trigger time. IUI should be over that weekend. Will also call my acupuncturist to see when she prefers me to come in, before ovulation or after IUI.

My Mom comes to visit that next Monday (and is staying for 10 days), so she will be an unwitting distraction during my 2WW.

Maybe I'm Shallow, But... (UPDATED)

I don't really mind all the bottles of prenatal vitamins taken. My body benefited I'm sure. I can live with all the OPKs & HPTs used and discarded. They gave me information when I needed it. And I'm OK with the amount of money spent at the clinic in pursuit of parenthood. Kids are expensive. Mine would just be a little more so. And the painful and uncomfortable procedures are nothing I'm sure to the pain of childbirth or the bliss of seeing that child for the first time.

No. What I resent is the months and years of curtailing my lifestyle in order to try (so far, unsuccessfully) to boost my fertility. No coffee, no wine or whiskey, no hot tubs, and no painkillers. Hoarding vacation days with the hope of using them to extend a maternity leave instead of taking a long weekend whenever I felt like I needed one. Maybe that's just my only-childish mentality... I've very rarely had to make personal sacrifices for anyone else before. I want to have my cake and eat it too. I mean really, why shouldn't I?

I also resent all of those girls and women who deny themselves nothing, only to find themselves unexpectedly expecting and then fail to appreciate the gift they have been given.

If I come to the end of my IF journey with a baby, I will happily swallow that resentment. But if after all our options are exhausted, we are still just the two of us... I'll be grieving more than the loss of a child. I'll be grieving the loss of years worth of fruitlessly denied personal comfort. And you bet your ass that I then will wallow in self-indulgence to the full extent of my abilities.

UPDATE: I wrote this post on my phone yesterday at work after I started spotting. Last night, the Professor and I had a long talk about cycles so far and the plan going forward. So you know where I'm coming from - the Professor was in pre-med when we met and now works in public health. Without going into too much detail (he's touchy about privacy), suffice it to say I have the utmost faith in his ability to analyze this particular situation and form an objective opinion.

I have been worrying a lot lately... about the amount of trust I have to place in our medical team and about the fact that we continue to use the same basic protocol. I finally voiced this concern to the Professor, and he was surprised and very reassuring. He has clearly considered the subject, and he is in full agreement with the RE. The main factor in determining the continuation of the Clomid+IUI protocol is the fact that the first time we used it, I got pregnant. IT WORKED. He reminded me of the statistics, that in any given cycle, a fertile couple have a 20% chance of fertilization (not even viable pregnancy, just fertilization). So, four Clomid cycles with one fertilization that ended in miscarriage is right in line with that statistic.

I have to say, his calm and rational analysis of the situation did more for my state of mind than anything else could. I feel like this will happen. It's going to be OK.

Needle in a Haystack (or foot or knee or wrist)

Recently, I have seen a lot of people on twitter asking about acupuncture, so I thought I'd put my two cents in.

The first time I went for acupuncture was actually for treating my TMJ. I'm a tooth clencher/grinder, and even with a night guard, I sometimes have issues. I had reached the point where my lips were numb, and my dentist suggested I add acupuncture to the treatment plan. I had a friend who was apprenticing at a local clinic, and he recommended one of the practitioners there (who was on my insurance plan, as luck would have it). I wasn't entirely sure what I thought about it, but I was certainly willing to give it a shot.

The first visit, she asked me about a million and three questions before she stuck me full of needles. Can I just say how bizarre it was to lie there with a face full of needles? But after laying completely motionless and on the edge of sleep for about an hour, needles out and I felt so refreshed and peaceful. She asked me if there was anything else, and I remembered something I had forgotten to tell her about in the beginning.

A few months earlier, I had cut myself quite badly on a trash bin, necessitating a tetanus shot. Well, it turned out, I was still carrying sufficient immunity and had a bad reaction to the shot. I lost about 50% mobility in that arm for a couple of weeks. Three months later, I was still only at about 75% of my full range of motion in that arm. I explained all of this, and she said, "Oh! I can fix that!" She had me put that arm behind my back, palm out, and show her how far up my back I could move it. She then stuck a needle in one of my legs, and asked me to move my arm higher. After a few more minutes with the needle in my leg, I had equal range of motion in both arms for the first time in months. And I was officially converted.

After that, any time my TMJ, migraines or sciatica got out of control, I headed back for more acupuncture. And when infertility began to loom as a larger part of my reality, I began to see references to acupuncture as complementary treatment. I started noticing articles about studies showing it to be beneficial to fertility. I knew what acupuncture had done for me in the past, and once again, I was willing to give it a shot.

I had been having weekly treatments for just over a month when I first met with the RE and got the Luteal Phase Deficiency diagnosis, and in that time, she had already corrected my early/extended spotting issues. Another month of weekly treatments, and I got my first and only positive HPT. Coincidence? Maybe. But in the ensuing aftermath of miscarriage and subsequent cycles, I just didn't have time to go back for more acupuncture, and neither have I had another positive.

After the last BFN (which was accompanied by a recurrence of the early/extended spotting), the nurse said it was time to schedule another consultation with the RE, to revisit the plan going forward. It seemed like this current cycle might be the last shot with an IUI, so I wanted to throw every possible advantage at it. I decided it was time to bite the bullet (or the needle) and head back to the acupuncturist. At this point, I can definitively say that the spotting issue has been sorted out again. In a day or so, we'll know even more.

I don't know how or why it works. I don't necessarily drink the Kool-Aid, so to speak. My RE told me not to take the herbs, so I don't. But I will keep going back, because I have seen results. And I will encourage anyone who asks, try it for yourself. And check with your insurance company first. You might just be surprised.

Once More, With Feeling

Present Day - Cycle #17

Which basically brings my story up to date. Once again, baseline ultrasound clear and non-pregnant status confirmed, we are rolling with the Clomid/IUI and home OPK testing. This time for good measure, they threw in a mid-cycle ultrasound with blood work and added progesterone suppositories to the treatment plan. I'm throwing acupuncture back into the mix as well.

I had been getting acupuncture for a couple of months before the pregnancy/miscarriage. It has been shown to be beneficial in complimenting fertility treatments and it certainly made me feel better. But with my boss out on maternity leave during our busy season, I couldn't justify the added time out of the office.

I still haven't told my coworkers about my infertility and treatments. Sometimes I want to, not just as a way to explain my many doctor appointments but also to explain my mood swings, exhaustion and the other physical symptoms the raging hormones inflict (headaches, nausea and mush-brain to name a few). But still I hesitate. We are a very small group, only five people including me. I know that one person would feel sorry me and one would question why I even wanted kids, my boss would be cool about it but I have no idea what our director's reaction would be. I THINK he'd be cool, but I don't KNOW. So I'm not telling.

The mid-cycle ultrasound showed five follicles on the left ovary, only two of which were mature, and one immature follicle on the right ovary. This was a bit of a revelation for me. I only ever feel ovulation on the right side, so I had developed a theory that Leftie was the slacker. What if, maybe, it's Rightie that has issues and that's why I only feel ovulation on that side. What if Leftie is just fine, thank you very much, and Rightie hurts because there's something wrong there? Just an interesting thought.

The blood work came back normal, estrogen just where it should be but no LH surge. I was told to use the home OPK and expect a surge any day. And next day, right on schedule, positive OPK. I called and scheduled the IUI for the following morning and the nurse called in the prescription for the progesterone. I never felt the ovulation (go Leftie!).

So now, here we sit, in the middle of the two week wait. Still hoping that we can make this work.