Thursday, June 17, 2010

So-Called Clean Slate, or WHY? (without answers)

Why was I so much more optimistic about this process last week when I first started spotting and realized that the last cycle failed, than I am today?

Why am I feeling so defeated NOW, when just yesterday my baseline appointment gave me the all clear to start a new cycle?

Why am I riding an emotional roller coaster, moody as hell, when I haven't even taken the first Clomid yet for this cycle?

Why am I having trouble focusing long enough to string two sentences together, when I'm nowhere near the two week wait onset of Hampster Brain?

Why do my damn eyes keep leaking (not crying, nuh-uh I AM NOT) for no reason?

Why can't I feel the sunshine anymore?


  1. *hugs* Being fertility challenged is a freaking rollercoaster. One day I'm ok, the next I have a panic attack over the thought of IVF. I completely understand <3

  2. I think (if you're anything like me) it's because you're scared of hoping and scared of expecting and scared of putting yourself through the wringer for yet another month. It just gets harder and harder. And yet we do it, because we want this more than anything.

    You will manage it, as hard as it may be.

  3. hi. you started following me so i've come over to say hello.

    i'm sorry things are tough for you right now. i hope you feel calmer soon. and i hope this is the month for you.

  4. this is just what we do. we ride emotional roller coasters. even tho you might not understand what's going on with your emotions, i don't think many of us understand what's going on with ours either. all we can do is vent and get it out and talk to people who have the same problems.


  5. (((hugs)))

    Somedays are worse than others and sometimes we don't know why. Here's hoping that tomorrow is a better day--one where you can feel the sunshine.

  6. It's such a rollercoaster of hope and fear and disappointment...ugh. What a ride. Some days are harder than others for no reason...but you will make it thru. Hang in there, Slackie O.

  7. Ohh I hate the leaky eyes. I want you to feel the sunshine. I hope this weekend is better.