Thursday, February 24, 2011


Obviously, we made it back from our reunion. It was totally and completely bizarre and intense. So intense, there were a few moments when I really thought I might vomit.

I saw so many people that I wish I could see every day, and a few people who I could gladly have gone the rest of my life without EVER seeing them again. There were countless places we revisited that hadn't changed a bit and whole new worlds that have been created in our absence. Previously open green spaces are now filled with (quite beautiful) buildings. We returned to our favorite boozing haunt and were greeted by bling-wearing, Benjamin-flashing, gun-toting hoods and bar room brawls. Things have definitely changed!

I was forcibly reminded of the beauty of the place, the insanity of the drivers, the harshness of the lives of the working class in a tropical destination when contrasted against the wealth of those who they work for and even a few unpleasant memories from my time there.

By far the most difficult aspect of the weekend (to no one's surprise) was seeing our old friends with their children. I thought we were doing fairly well with it, no tears or breakdowns, just a bittersweet sensation. And we were actually, up until we said goodbye to the last friend and started the drive back to the hotel by ourselves. To that point, we hadn't really had any alone time so we hadn't really had time to think too much about it. Nothing like a crowd for distraction!

As we made the drive back to our hotel that last night, Professor was unusually quiet. When I asked him what was up, he admitted that he was thinking about how adorable our friend's three year old daughter was and that he was really feeling his mortality. We talked about how hard it was to see all of our friends reproducing and replacing themselves in the world when it seems unlikely that we'll be able to manage it ourselves. I'm pretty sure we both ended up in tears.

We've got one last shot, moving to IVF. With no insurance coverage, we'll be lucky to fund one cycle. I'm realistic. Plenty of people see success on their first IVF, but it seems like an almost equal number of people get nothing (though they may see success in a 2nd or 3rd cycle). There's no way of knowing which camp we'll fall into or even if IVF will simply uncover new issues previously unidentified.


  1. I'm glad your time was good, for the most part. We had no insurance for IVF either, and saw it as truly our last frontier. Hoping your IVF will be a success!

  2. It's such a difficult move to IVF and it's so, so scary b/c now you may get to see what the "real" problem is. At least that's how I felt. I felt like now we'd uncover some serious issue that only IVF could uncover.

    I hope 1st time's a charm for you regardless of whether or not you can afford 1 or 5 cycles. I just want it to be over for you in one shot and be done.

    Thinking of you. xoxo

  3. I just wanted to say that I hope you are one of the lucky ones and the first round of IVF is a success for you, try to keep positive xx