Sunday, August 1, 2010

Keeping Hope (and House Plant) Alive

So I have this plant, this very sad plant. I have no idea what kind of plant this is, aside from House Plant. It is the only plant we have inside our home. It was given to us as a housewarming gift by someone who had no idea what a danger I am to green and growing things.*

For the last year, this poor plant has been hanging on by a thread (kind of like me). It looks so pathetic that I actually quit watering it, hoping it would just go ahead and die so I could empty the pot and move on to killing other plants outside. I sometimes wonder if the Professor has been watering it behind my back (though to be fair, I have not expressly forbidden this), because the damn thing simply will not die. It now consists of two stalks bearing a total of three leaves. But it is still green, still alive.

I found myself contemplating this poor little thing the other night, and my thoughts kept jumping from the plant to my infertility and our repeated failed cycles and back to the plant again. I kind of feel like my motivation and hopes in our struggle to conceive are reflected in this indomitable little mess of a plant. Every time a leaf turns brown and dries up, I pick it off only to see a new leaf break out of the top of the stalk. There are always just enough leaves for the little plant to look alive. And cycle after failed cycle, we pick ourselves up, revise our strategy with just enough hope to make another attempt at beating infertility. I've certainly received more love and better care than Plant, and while neither the plant nor I have actually seen much improvement, we both keep pushing forward.

I'm thinking of giving it a name and some water. Maybe some fresh soil. But if I start taking care of it and it dies, what will that mean for me?

*Note to self: Don't forget to go out and be dangerous to the green and growing weeds in the front yard ASAP!


  1. I have had almost this exact same thought! Or rather I've thought about the ironic link between my horribly black thumb and infertility. When I was in the first couple of weeks of my first IUI cycle i was not responding at all the meds. I remember saying to the husband, "Clearly growing things is simply not my forte." It's probably best not to put too much stock in these theories after all... Good luck with your current cycle and with the plant!

  2. We name our plants. We have Zed, Zoe, Mr. Green, Walter ... They all survive somehow. Perhaps the Professor is water it behind your back, just like I'm sure he's helping keep hope alive for you.

  3. I'm so awful to plants myself. I wonder if I'm curse with killing all little seedlings, too.

    You give that plant a name and nurse it back to health!

  4. Such a great analogy. I'm bookmarking this post to re-read when I need it!

  5. This weekend, I tossed all the near-dead house plants, bought 6 new ones, and had a potting-party. Not sure what that says about my IF, but I have a lot of greenery now! I can only hope my body is being as fertile.