Chemistry Lesson (Learning Mine)

As I said to one of my tweeps after the first couple of injections were done, I'm feeling like the change of protocol has given me a renewed sense of energy and hope. 

I was feeling really worn down by the repetition of the same protocol. After month upon month of Crazy Pills and IUIs followed promptly (or rather, after every interminable 2WW) by BFNs, I had reached a point where I ceased to believe that what we were doing was ever going to work. Perhaps somewhat extreme and melodramatic, but I felt it in my soul. In spite of the dubious success of our first medicated cycle, and my RE's insistence that this would work for us again, I had no hope, even though the Professor and my RE did. Thus the "resting" cycle last month, and the consultation resulting in the change of protocol.

One of the few memories I have of my high school chemistry teacher (I wasn't the BEST science student) is of him explaining that the definition of insanity was doing the same thing, repeating the exact same procedure over and over again and yet expecting to get different results.

TMI alert:

The resting cycle was actually restful. Yes, I used an OPK and we did our best to follow up on the positive reading. Yes, I broke down and used the progesterone through my luteal phase, just in case. But I didn't believe it would work. And my poor Confuterus displayed some of the most bizarre behavior I've seen since stopping the birth control pills over a year and a half ago. For the first time in my life, I had ovulation spotting. Mildly alarming, but proclaimed to be "nothing to be concerned about" by the nurse when I called in about it. Then I started spotting again only 9dpo, and saw bright red blood at 10dpo. Assuming a resounding luteal phase failure, I called into the RE to report CD1 and scheduled my baseline. And immediately stopped bleeding. Too late to cancel the baseline, so I went in anyways. The ultrasound showed a still active corpus luteum* and bloodwork indicated declining progesterone. The nurse predicted my period would be only a few days out. Spotting resumed later that day and continued until 15dpo, which ended by becoming CD1. Repeat baseline on CD3 cleared us to start injections that very evening.

Chemistry lesson: my reproductive bits don't function properly without benefit of modern science.

Lesson learned.

The odd thing is, this undeniable feeling of hope doesn't seem to apply to this particular cycle. I've grown so accustomed to lack of results, that I don't feel like this is quite "my turn". It feels more like a practice run. So I'm just focusing on getting comfortable with the protocol, working up the nerve to do the injections myself and gathering information about how my body responds to these drugs. I'm just glad to feel like there are still options, and that eventually something WILL work.

*Side Note: As a result of our recent Potter-thon, I kept referring to it as "Corpius Luteum" like it was some kind of magical incantation to increase progesterone levels. Unfortunately, now I can't STOP calling it that!