Sunday, August 29, 2010

I'm So Vain (Maybe That Song Was About Me)

I don't look my age. I never have.

As an early teen, I was always assumed to be older. In my twenties, I was frequently assumed to be a teenager. Now, at the age of (nearly) thirty-eight, I am usually taken for being in my twenties. I almost never wear make-up and my beauty regime is super basic.

I am generally grateful for the genetic hand I was dealt. The women in my family tend to live active lives into their nineties. My Mom didn't hit menopause until she was fifty. All of which is to say, the women in my family all seem quite young for their age.

In retrospect, I think maybe I let this go to my head.

In my mid-thirties when I started thinking about my fertility and getting started on a baby, I comforted myself with this apparent youthfulness. My body still looks so young! My Mom was fifty before she had The Change! My insides must surely be as youthful (and thus fertile) as my outsides!

What vanity! What arrogance! What a CROCK!

Until I accepted my infertility and started to make my way into this online community, I had never really thought about even authentically young women having fertility issues. How arrogant... this has definitely been a humbling experience, to say the least.


  1. I am the same as you, looked older when I was young, now I look about my age. But I always assumed that I wouldn't have any trouble as my body "Looks" like a baby making machine. I've the got the child bearing hips and biggish hands and feet which my mother reckons a dr told her would mean an easier birth (esp since I and my sister came out tail first).

    I never ever thought that maybe there might not be a connection between those attributes and being able to get pregnant. Now my slim hipped, small hands and feet friends have children (yes plural) and I am getting a puppy.

  2. You're not alone. We all lived in some form of delusion prior to being hit with the IF news. Taking comfort in other "older moms," in our external apparent health and youth, in our own mothers who had no trouble conceiving us... **hugs**

  3. Hi,

    I found your blog from the Infertility Overachiever's Blog. I just wanted to tell you I share in this infertility battle a little. It took almost 2 years for me to get pregnant with my son and I was only 27. While this might not comfort you in anyway because I have a child, I just want to extend my sympathies and tell you've been there....a little...I know this doesn't help at all...I do think I had some good methods on getting pregnant if you'd like to know all the stuff I did, all the books I read, all the diets I went on (I've never been overweight, but I still credit my fertility diet for getting pregnant) all the working out I did and all the journal keeping I did....I don't know...maybe you think I'm being arrogant but I can't help but try to help other people with things I think worked for us when I've been there.

    So anyway, if you want to talk thru email or something let me know.

    Heather from Mommy Only Has Two Hands!

  4. Oh, so true! I did the same thing! I arrogantly believed my youthful appearance would have some sort of impact on my fertility, even after multiple surgeries and issues with endo. Ha! Was I wrong! Humbling, indeed...