This is probably more of a post for my peeps still in trenches with me, as it were. I kind of feel like not only am I still in the trenches, but my trench is filling with water and I'm drowning in this hole I've dug myself. Those of you currently pregnant or parenting are surely drowning in a nearby though totally separate trench and I hope you understand that I'm not actually asking anything of you here and I'm not trying to hurt your feelings. I'm also fairly certain I've seen others write posts just like this before. I'm feeling a little derivative, but this is where I'm at. I know I'm not alone, not the first infertile to visit this space. That's really what will make me hit publish. So that maybe someone else will see they are not alone.
I know "Once infertile, always infertile", but my Twitter timeline and my blog reader have made a significant and painful shift recently. Huge numbers of the internet friends I made when I first stumbled into this community have now crossed over to the pregnancy/parenting side of things. Most days, it feels like all I see is pregnancy plans and questions with a healthy dose of nursing/diaper habits. It's really starting to get me down. Like Thinking-of-Seeking-Therapy Down. Even my online support group is becoming just another reminder of the ways my body is failing and the dreams I can't seem to fulfill. I am feeling worse and worse by the day about my chances of completing an IVF cycle, to say nothing of a take-home baby. Hell, with the failure of this most recent attempt at an IVF cycle, I'm even feeling jealous of those of you who just make it to retrieval. Relieved for you, but jealous all the same.
My initial instinct is to unfollow out of self-preservation and it may yet come to that, but I don't really want to lose my connection to these women. They are still infertile, they have been supportive, they have been where I am (and where I hope to be) and they have feelings too. I don't want to hurt them by disappearing.
For those of you who have written this post before me, how did you handle this?