Nothing new to report, no cycle progress, no funny stories to tell.
Work hell continues, but will let up considerably after this week. I try not to talk much about my work online, because that's not really what this space is about, but it's kinda all consuming at the moment. I've even been dreaming about work stuff and I really resent it. I have to take a day trip on Wednesday which will be exhausting and mind-numbing all at once, but at least I'll be home and sleeping in my own bed at the end of the day (technically very early the next morning, but that would be splitting hairs). I'm not a great traveler. I like being other places, but I don't enjoy the process of getting there/back. Airplanes make me anxious and nauseated. And I have to admit, as much as I appreciate my immediate coworkers, I have trouble relating to them on a personal level and this makes me feel very isolated and lonely, very "other". Throw travel into the mix, and it's not a fabulous day.
Aaaannnnddd... I have some serious thinking to do about my job. It was originally supposed to be a foot in the door, to get me in with this great employer. Now it's been two years, and I'm pretty comfortable in my position. Maybe too comfortable. I've learned a lot and built some new skills and confidence. I'm really quite lucky in the people I work with on a daily basis, but there are certainly aspects of my work that make me want to bash my head against the wall. For all that, the thought of leaving my department is scary, but it's the only way I'll be able to move up at all (if I even decide that I want to move up). But with the whole IF thing still in mid-air, do I really want to try making a big change? I just don't know, so I'll sit on it for a while and revisit the question in a few months perhaps. I have made a preliminary investigation, and didn't really find any appealing open positions elsewhere in the company, so it's not as if I feel like I'm missing out on anything in particular at the moment.
When I get up (later) Thursday morning, we'll head to our teaching appointment and get our official Plan. I'd like to just skip to that, please.
I decided to move forward with a huge professional change when our IF stuff was still up in the air (we have a 16 month old now). I'm so glad we did, because it gave me something to look forward to and be happy about regardless of what happened with the IF stuff.
ReplyDeleteGood luck with things this week. I feel the same way about travel. But, at least it will distract you a bit.
I vote for moving forward professionally too. We shape our lives around IF too much as it is. I hope the Wednesday trip is better than expected and good luck with starting your cycle!
ReplyDeleteUgh, the one day work trips are brutal, but getting home to sleep in your bed is worth it. I also say take a chance and move to a job where you can max your potential!!!
ReplyDeleteTurns out, revamping my career and doing IVF at the same time isn't working for me. OVERWHELMED. I really needed the stability of my comfortable job while I was going through treatments, it was a blessing. Now that I'm in the throws of changing things up, getting a new job, I'm realizing that I can't do IVF at the same time. As hard as that is, right now, it isn't the #1 priority. It takes too much of me to do it, and right now the rest of my life needs some attention.
ReplyDeleteHang in there babe. Each thing in its turn. You will get there.