Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Just Be There

I recently witnessed an extended conversation on Twitter that I found incredibly disturbing and I eventually decided to unfollow someone because I was so uncomfortable with the self-righteousness and judgement that I perceived in their remarks. Note, I said "I perceived". Perhaps I misunderstood, but I doubt it. More than anything, I needed to not see it in my Twitter feed anymore.

A few hours later, I saw this post in my blog reader. And it spoke to me.

I know it isn't precisely to the point, but it brought home the realization that when we are hurting, when our hearts are heavy, there are some responses to our pain that hurt more than they help. That people who are maybe just trying to show us what they think is a better way of looking at things, can actually cause us incredible suffering.

We can't make each other better and we shouldn't try to shame each other into prettier feelings.


  1. I missed this convo but I got the gist of it. You are 100% right, just be there. And shame is not something we should be doing to each other in this community.

  2. I go back and forward with wanting any communication from my apparently unsupportive (uncommunicative) friends (even if it is hurtful), to wanting only helpful, sensitive friends in my life, even if that means I only have 3 friends.

    But in general, I think there are many times when we just want an ear to listen or a shoulder to cry on, and not any advice or opinion or suggestions. When you are in that place, the accepting of your raw feelings is so healing- and I don't think many people (esp those who don't deal with IF) realize that...

  3. You're right. It's so hard to know what to say in some situations. Some people deal better with different reactions than others. Just letting the person know you're there for them is the most important thing.

  4. Hm I missed this convo, I believe.

    This post is a good reminder to watch our words. Thank you for this.

  5. I missed the convo, but caught up the next day, and wow. I was so upset at the judgement...we've all been down, why kick a fellow IFer when they're down?

  6. I witnessed the conversation too and was really upset by it (but didn't unfollow). Then this morning I noticed an apology and acknowledgement that she felt the same way and should never have condemned others. All it took was a pregnancy announcement on FB to really hit her in the gut. Ahh, FB, bane of all our existences!