I'm So Vain (Maybe That Song Was About Me)

I don't look my age. I never have.

As an early teen, I was always assumed to be older. In my twenties, I was frequently assumed to be a teenager. Now, at the age of (nearly) thirty-eight, I am usually taken for being in my twenties. I almost never wear make-up and my beauty regime is super basic.

I am generally grateful for the genetic hand I was dealt. The women in my family tend to live active lives into their nineties. My Mom didn't hit menopause until she was fifty. All of which is to say, the women in my family all seem quite young for their age.

In retrospect, I think maybe I let this go to my head.

In my mid-thirties when I started thinking about my fertility and getting started on a baby, I comforted myself with this apparent youthfulness. My body still looks so young! My Mom was fifty before she had The Change! My insides must surely be as youthful (and thus fertile) as my outsides!

What vanity! What arrogance! What a CROCK!

Until I accepted my infertility and started to make my way into this online community, I had never really thought about even authentically young women having fertility issues. How arrogant... this has definitely been a humbling experience, to say the least.

New Blog Friday with Infertility Overachievers (UPDATED)

If you are here visiting from New Blog Friday at Infertility Overachievers - Welcome!

Obviously, my name isn’t really Slackie, but my beloved husband is an extremely private man and he has requested that I keep my online presence anonymous. Since this is his story too, and since I love and respect him, I concede that point. I call myself Slackie because my diagnosis was Luteal Phase Deficiency. In my own words, I have lazy ovaries – a couple of slackers if ever there were… If you want to start at the very beginning, you can find all the basics here. Check the sidebar to see my cycle history (Not That Anyone's Counting).

You find me in a bit of a blue spot at the moment. I wish I had some humor to offer you, something clever and entertaining. A song, a dance, even a knock-knock-joke. Truth is, I'm just trying to keep hold of that sunshine, but there's a pretty dark cloud overhead today.

Yesterday was CD1. Four days early. Even the nurse who scheduled my baseline for this morning was puzzled by that one. 20 cycles y'all. TWENTY failures. Good follicles, good lining, good timing, good blood work. And yet, here we are again. Last cycle was my first on injectibles. I didn't really expect to get a positive this time. I was treating it as a practice run, you know, getting to know how my body would respond to the new protocol. With three follicles triggered and progesterone supplements aplenty, this early end was decidedly unexpected. I've already determined to hit the acupuncture a little harder and get back to my yoga. What else?

I hope today's appointment will provide, if not answers, at least some ideas for new directions to try. I'll update when I get home this evening.

UPDATE (as promised): Thanks for the comments and well wishes, both here and on Twitter! No clear ideas as to why things went sideways just at the end of last cycle, and some small possible cysts were hanging out on Leftie. The doctor was uncertain if we should proceed with treatment this cycle due to those maybe-cysts, but my blood work came back great so it's full steam ahead! GonalF dosages got tweaked and my progesterone will be doubled up in the luteal phase this time. I'm also gonna hit the acupuncture weekly instead of every other week. Cross your fingers that the insurance will cover the GonalF refill - there was some question over that when I called it in this afternoon.

Yeah - What She Said!

If you don't already follow NoBabyRuth, you gotta read this post.

That is all.

CSA

A couple of years ago, I stumbled upon this blog and discovered the concept of the CSA. For anyone who doesn't already know, CSA stands for Community Supported Agriculture. It's basically local farmers (frequently organic) who pre-sell shares of their harvest to the public for the growing season and then deliver boxes of freshly picked vegetables to a central drop-off weekly.

Early last March, I received an email that an organic CSA would be dropping off at my workplace this season for anyone who wanted to buy in. I read the list of planned crops and convinced BFF(B) to split a share with me as an experiment. The boxes started arriving at the beginning of June and boy am I glad we split a share. That's a ton of veg! Good stuff all, but such large quantities.

We've made several different kinds of salads, soups, stir-fry, and tried some new veggie side dishes. Last week I made homemade salsa and I got my fresh basil to root in a cup of water, so I'm hoarding it till I can make pesto. I've even tried some new vegetables that I've never eaten before, including: kale (not bad), garlic scapes (YUM), turnips (blech), radishes (hmmm...). I have yet to figure out how to use up quite that much zucchini.

This week's box includes:

lettuce
arugula
tomatoes
sweet onions
garlic
sweet peppers
hot peppers
beets
turnips
swiss chard
eggplant
basil
kohlrabi

Since the Professor is out of town, I gave the majority of the box to BFF(B) this week, but I'll be making more salsa, some from-scratch marinara sauce, some pesto and a stir fry to start. Anybody got a good recipe for beets or zucchini (previous box)?

Thou Shalt Not Covet (Except I Did)

Maybe five years ago, I saw a woman in the bookstore carrying her baby in the coolest, most beautiful sling. At that point, I had never seen anyone use a sling before. Not only did the concept seem so logical, the fabric was unbelievably lovely. I actually stopped a stranger in a store to ask where she'd bought something.

She told me it was a Hotsling, so I went online and drooled. I wanted one so badly (and we weren't even trying yet) that I went ahead and ordered one for a friend who was expecting. And of course, since I was already ordering, it only made sense that I should be fiscally responsible and order one for myself as well. To save on shipping. Right? And of course, the one I liked was in the "Discontinued - Sale" section, so it was deeply discounted and I might never see it again...

So I have this beautiful sling hidden in the back of my bottom dresser drawer. I used to run across it every now and then and look at it and dream. After a time, I pushed it further back in the drawer and piled stuff on top so I don't do that anymore, but it's still there waiting. I know I'm not alone here. I know some of you have done it too. What baby item did you see before you got your positive (or before you were even TTC), and decide you just had to have? Include a link if you can!