Sunday, October 14, 2012

Feelings and Numbness


Hope of finally seeing a BFP and a heartbeat.
Absolute certainty that this cycle will not work.
Terror at the notion of telling our parents, either way.
Stress and anxiety stemming from our busy season at work.
Relief that our busy season at work wrapped up on Saturday.
Happy that BFF(H) is pregnant and NOT suffering secondary IF (there was some concern).
Disbelief at the pregnancy announcement from the couple whose wedding we attended in August. Who am I kidding... disbelief isn't really the word.


What if DEIVF works for us and we actually get a take-home baby?
What if DEIVF doesn't work for us?

I keep remembering BFF(B) asking me how I felt about all this. I still don't know... I somehow just don't. Either way, I just want to get on with my life. I really need to start remembering my mouth guard at night. My lips are numb from clenching my jaw.

Cycle Update

My lup.ron shots are under way. The crazy kicked in pretty fast this time, but I've been riding it out better knowing it for what it is. I will start estrogen later this week and if it goes like last time, that will make me feel much better in no time. I'm not sure what's going on with our donor, but I'm assuming all is well or they would call us. I know they will call when they schedule her retrieval, but that is quite a ways off still.


  1. Sending so many thoughts your way. This can be such a roller coaster ride. Really hoping that this is the one for you!

  2. August wedding. It's only mid October... (won't even bother with exclamation marks)

    I'm just over 20 weeks along in my DEIVF pregnancy. And I have to admit I still find it hard to believe this might/will result in a take-home baby...
    Still take things day-by-day, so used am i to not knowing what the future will bring, still wondering when things will go wrong again, still haven't moved on to if/whether.
    Wishing you all the best luck.

  3. Really hoping that this DE IVF works for you. Fingers crossed.

    Oh, BTW, I can't sleep without my nightguard now. I grind my teeth too much and I end up with a serrated my tongue if I don't wear it.

  4. Ugh, August wedding, that makes me want to puke.

    Your feelings are normal. After your bfp, it will get more intense. I am that hopeful for you. Hope it's not annoying.

  5. Now that you've written these out, print them out, fold them up and tuck them away somewhere. Recognize the feelings and the fears, but don't give them too much power.

    Hoping the estrogen kicks in and you're feeling better soon.

  6. Normal feeling and thoughts. One step at a time, for me just focusing on the next step only helped, a lot. Wishing you lots of luck.