I'm sure I won't be the first (or the last) to fail to truly rest during a TTC break. You're with me on this, right?
I told myself early in the last cycle that my heart and mind needed some time away from the hormonal roller coaster that Clomid brings with it. To say nothing of the concern that I've done five rounds of it now, and recently read that more than six is not recommended.*
I also had a fair bit of travel scheduled for this cycle and didn't want to be stressing about timing a trigger and IUI (and potentially being on the road at the critical moment, thus having to cancel), and then traveling with those lovely progesterone suppositories.
And then with the onset of CD1, everything fell into place such that the Professor and I would be in town together at just the right time. Of course, I still wanted a break from the prescriptions and certainly didn't want to travel with them. So it became an official break.
Except... I went out and restocked the OPKs because... oh, please. We ALL know why. And of course, I bought the combo pack that comes with a digital HPT. Because, OF COURSE!
Because I will be in town from CD8-CD14. And I always ovulate between CD9-CD14 and the Professor and I will be following our instincts as per usual. And we've all heard the stories of people who took a break and suddenly their bodies just did what they were supposed to, even without the prescriptions.
So here we are trying, when we aren't really trying. And my mind is all over the map, even without the fertility drugs. And as scattered as I feel, I also feel frighteningly blank. I've been reading my Twitter feed and keeping up with my blog reader, but most days I just can't think of a thing to say. I'm sorry I haven't been commenting much on your posts. I have been riding the waves with you, I just haven't known what to say lately.
I feel like I'm not really here.
*Remind me to ask my RE about that. Did I mention that we have a consult scheduled with our RE on Monday? I'm so worried that there is something more wrong with me that they missed because the luteal phase defect was so obvious. I don't even know what blood tests were done at the beginning. Maybe our one BFP was actually a total fluke? I'm hoping he brings his crystal ball to the appointment.