One Step Closer

We had our lining check and YAY for another 10mm triple stripe! My ovaries may be slackers, but my uterus is a very diligent worker. We are expecting an update on the donor's progress any day, at which point we will have a better idea what the rest of the calendar looks like. Of course, like any IVF cycle, things will remain flexible and tentative until the last minute. Naturally, this has served as a wake-up call to the hamsters in my brain and my anxiety has suddenly exploded. Until quite recently, I was calm and unconcerned. Today, I need more information like a junkie needs a fix. I am ready to crawl out of my skin for lack of information. I also feel like I have a massive reserve of energy that needs to be targeted to some sort of "productive" project. Like a crochet blanket, or perhaps building a second bathroom on our house. With my bare hands.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

We also had our IM injection instruction "refresher". We did have the verbal instruction a year and half ago, but as we never made it to retrieval in an IVF cycle, we have never had an opportunity to put it into practice. THUS. Prof had to perform a practice injection in the presence of the nurse when my lining check was complete. Neither of us was expecting that. I mean, we knew we would have to do a PIO injection at some point, just not right that moment.

The nurse did a dry run so we could see the process and drew the targets on my hips. I was surprised how high up and how small the viable area was. Not much room for site rotation in those little circles... I was having a really hard time refraining from vomiting and/or running from the room in a panic with my pants around my knees. The nurse then turned it over to Prof and he did the actual injection (with saline only as it's still too early in the cycle for actual PIO). He totally nailed it! I barely felt it. That great huge needle, all those nerves... and it was much less painful than a flu shot.

I've seen so much talk about the trauma of PIO injections. The huge needle, the excruciating pain... I know that once we're dealing with oil instead of saline the after-effects will be more troublesome, but at least I've conquered the fear of the giant needle itself.

Hindsight

I had to go back and review my notes from the mock cycle to check if the side effects I'm seeing now are a repeat of those I had previously. Good news? They are. I'm so glad I took notes!

The crazy thoughts and fears, the bloating... all down to lup.ron. And lo and behold, now that my estrogen is rising, the crazy is fading fast (though not the bloat... sad trombone). Knowing the crazy for what it was made it SO much easier to ride it out this time. I've really been surprisingly calm so far, though a little more diligent about my meds schedule than I was during the mock cycle. I am also loving the smaller estrogen patches y'all. I am now sporting four of these little transparent beauties and I barely know they are there! I love them even more for having been covered by insurance...

We have not yet received an update on our donor, but she is stimming now. We are hoping to get an update in the next few days. Trigger should be sometime next week and at that time, Prof will get his appointment to drop off our swim team on retrieval day.

2012 Creme de la Creme

The Best of the Adoption/Loss/Infertility Blogs of 2012

Just a quick heads-up... the 2012 Creme de la Creme is open for submissions! Please note that there is a new deadline this year - so get yours in while you still can.

I did.

Feelings and Numbness

Feelings

Hope of finally seeing a BFP and a heartbeat.
Absolute certainty that this cycle will not work.
Terror at the notion of telling our parents, either way.
Stress and anxiety stemming from our busy season at work.
Relief that our busy season at work wrapped up on Saturday.
Happy that BFF(H) is pregnant and NOT suffering secondary IF (there was some concern).
Disbelief at the pregnancy announcement from the couple whose wedding we attended in August. Who am I kidding... disbelief isn't really the word.

Numbness

What if DEIVF works for us and we actually get a take-home baby?
What if DEIVF doesn't work for us?

I keep remembering BFF(B) asking me how I felt about all this. I still don't know... I somehow just don't. Either way, I just want to get on with my life. I really need to start remembering my mouth guard at night. My lips are numb from clenching my jaw.

Cycle Update

My lup.ron shots are under way. The crazy kicked in pretty fast this time, but I've been riding it out better knowing it for what it is. I will start estrogen later this week and if it goes like last time, that will make me feel much better in no time. I'm not sure what's going on with our donor, but I'm assuming all is well or they would call us. I know they will call when they schedule her retrieval, but that is quite a ways off still.