Saturday, March 17, 2012

Ongoing Debate

I have reached a point where I accept that no matter what our eventual decision, no matter what our eventual outcome... there is no possible future in which I do not always carry with me some sadness and some resentment regarding my experience of infertility and my perceptions of the fertile world at large. I'm not saying I will be mired in grief and depression for the rest of my life, but this sadness and resentment is part of me now, sort of a household item. I'm looking forward to the time when it's packed in a trunk in the basement, rather out on the coffee table in the living room though.

If someone could wave a magic wand and guarantee that if I had sex with my husband, there would be a baby... I would do it. So why am I debating whether or not I still want to pursue further assisted reproduction, when I know that the treatments aren't my hang-up? Good question.


  1. I just found your blog and so glad that I did. Completely understand how you're feeling and am right there with you! I'm scared to death to move onto IVF but also scared not to. My blog post this morning talks all about that. Unfortuantely even ART isn't a magic wand otherwise I think we'd both be on board to do it. Looking forward to following your journey and hoping for the best for you!

  2. I had to give up on IVF after two failed. Wishing you all the best.

  3. (ok testing the comments)
    I wish we could wave a magic wand and know the outcomes. You're debating for the same reason I am: There's only so much our body and our soul can take.
    Wishing you some peace in all of this.

  4. So difficult. Sending you Hugz and peace.

  5. The pain and realities of infertility are corrosive. I wish there was a way to see beyond the uncertainties of the future so we could know how to proceed wether its in a hopeful keep going way or moving on and trying to get closure.Only we can look into us and know how much is "enough" all I can say is as much as I would like for you to skip all of this and get to the part where you're ok with where you're at(wherever that may be) this is so necessary how else will you know you did what was right for you.I wish you the very best in life.