Monday, March 19, 2012

One Week (Points to Consider)

I hate those stick figure collections people splash all over their rear windows, but yesterday they served a valid purpose. Prof and I went out for a coffee and pulled up behind one of these on our way home. Prof sighed and said, "I think about the kid thing all the time". Which got the conversation started. By the time we got home, we had acknowledged that we BOTH think about the kid thing pretty much constantly. To distraction. I knew he thought about it too, but somehow I didn't realize he thought about it as much as I do.

To recap, we have established that we are NOT afraid of:

  • Using Donor Eggs to conceive
  • Losing our relationship to Parenthood

And lo and behold, our thoughts and fears are still running along the same lines:

  • Kids are expensive and we're just making ends meet as it is.
  • DEIVF kids are even more expensive. Where does that money come from?
  • This world is an ugly, scary place in which to launch a tiny little loved one.
  • Our lifestyle would have to change dramatically (like you have NO idea how dramatically).
  • How do parents get it all done?
  • What if we hate being parents?

I think that last one is the real question here. The thing we're really afraid of discovering about ourselves after it's too late.

There's a piece of this puzzle that we can't see yet. I've seen a million and three comments about how everything changes once that baby arrives... specifically how new parents' attitudes toward their own offspring took them by surprise. Without any offspring of our own, we can't see the shape of that puzzle piece to know how it's going to fit into our existing picture.

So standing in the kitchen and tossing all of that out there, we came to two conclusions:

  • If we don't do this because we're afraid of A/B/C, then we let the fear win and that's not our style.
  • We're not getting any younger and this isn't going to get any easier by postponing it. We need to make a decision and move forward one way or another.

So Prof has proposed an idea. We will have a brief discussion about our thoughts on the subject every evening this week. Next Sunday, we will make a Plan. We even shook on it.


  1. Sounds like a good plan. I'm looking forward to hearing your resolution.

  2. The compatibility of you and Prof makes my heart smile. I know whatever plan you make, you will be a great team. (And that sticker is ridiculous. I'd rather see truck nutz, which is saying a lot, heh.)

  3. wow, hoping for some clarity for you both- you sound like such a good team together

  4. Sounds like a good idea to have a sit down discussion. Fears sound quite normal to me.

  5. sounds like a great plan - and the best part is you're both on the same page.
    i've had many of the same thoughts as you - i'm about as scared to get pregnant as i am not to.
    good luck with your baby discussions

  6. I admire how carefully you two approach your decisions together-- and I don't simply mean cautiously, but with true care for yourselves, for each other, and for the potential children under discussion. You sound like an amazing partnership, able to tackle really difficult topics from a place of love and honesty. I'm sure you will feel peace (even if fear remains) when you reach your decision.

  7. Sounds like a great plan!! What a great team you have between you 2!!

  8. Sounds like a great plan! Hoping you figure something out that you will both be very happy with!

  9. I'm so glad that you are both on the same page with your thoughts, and that you are going about this decision the way you are. Wishing you luck with the process. I look forward to reading what you decide!

    (Oh, and I despise those stickers. My friend calls them "family egos" because she thinks the people who use them are way too pretentious.)

  10. I hate those fuckers too, like "hey world guess how many times I forgot my birth control?!!". Annoying. In regards to the question "what if we hate being parent?" I would look towards your relationship with your own parents. For example: I am not close to my dad but have a very good relationship with my mom and hence this was a big reason why I wanted to be one. Good luck!

  11. I like it. You two make quite the pair!

  12. Sounds like you guys are quite the team. Good luck with your big discussion tomorrow, I hope that your plan is obvious and your path is clear.

  13. Those fuckers suck. First off, they have too many pets. A chicken? Really? (notice I'm not focusing on their being outnumbered by the kidlets, too.

    As IFer's we totally over-think the "will we like being parents" thing. You will love it, because you are ready, you will be prepared, you will love the kid and the kid will just BE part of your life. Period. Yes, you'll make adjustments.

    Wait, am I trying to convince you or me here? LOL