We had our WTF follow-up for the most recent failed (un)IVF cycle earlier this week. There is no more tweaking the protocol. We've tried both agonist and antagonist with the maximum dose of stimulation and DHEA to boot. The upshot is we've thrown everything we can at my ovaries and they simply failed to respond. My ovaries are cut from the team. My overwhelming feeling about this is relief.
The RE was very kind but clear. We won't be doing another cycle with my ovaries. He laid out the standard next-step options (donor eggs, foster/adoption, childfree) and gave us some information on our clinic's DE program. He let us know that if we wanted to go with DE, there is no need to hurry. The clock is effectively stopped as far as success rates go. You might even say, the clock would be wound back in time.
Prof and I have discussed all of these possibilities in the abstract over the last year, and we are in agreement that foster/adoption are not right for us. Our decision now is between donor egg and childfree. There are pros and cons to both and we will need some time to work through our feelings about them before we know which way we want to move.
I also had my first meeting with the infertility therapist this week. It was really just a get-to-know-you sort of session, background stuff, but I liked her and I hope that she will be able to help us find our way through the decision making process in front of us.
We have some thinking to do, some decisions to make.
I am OK. We are OK. We will BE OK.
My heart breaks for you, even though I know you're right - you'll be okay. You'll find a way through and come out the other side with more wisdom and strength than you knew you had. Huge hugs, friend.
ReplyDeleteAt least you have clear next steps and can get off part of the roller coaster - mind you DE are not a panacea for everyone. But they do up your odds considerably.
ReplyDeleteSo glad you found a counselor you like.
Its not going to be easy. I personally like the idea of the donor eggs. For us it will the next step in our trying as adoption well, I'm not going into our reasons why we won't do it.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry that you got bad news. At least with donor eggs, you don't have to feel the pressure of age so much. Hang in there.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry, but I am glad to hear that you are feeling OK. I know what this feels like - I have been walking in these very shoes for over a year now, trying to decide what comes next. It is not easy. If you ever need an empathetic ear, please don't hesitate to email me. Lots of good thoughts and support for you. xoxo
ReplyDeleteI hate that this is the position that you find yourselves in. We're all here for you. I wish there were more I could say.
ReplyDeleteHopefully the therapist will be helpful. I was seeing one for RPL for several years. DH and I also went to counseling together, which helped tons.
(((HUGS)))
I'm sorry, but glad it is a relief to you. Seeing a therapist is so good. I see one every week. Hopefully she will help a lot. Hang in there. Hugz! I will be thinking about you.
ReplyDelete(hug)
ReplyDeleteWishing you the best whatever decision you make.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you have some clarity on moving forward. I know that donor egg is a tough decision...I may be making that one too, so looking forward to reading about where you come out. I wish you the best of luck, glad to hear you are okay!
ReplyDeleteThat's a big, big decision to make. I hope the counselor will be helpful in allowing you two to wade through your feelings and fears about both options.
ReplyDeleteOh man, I am so sorry that you are faced with such a hard decision. Take your time, we are here for you whatever choice you make.
ReplyDeleteYou've been nominated for an award. Yay!! http://creatingarainbow.blogspot.com/2011/12/tmayba.html
ReplyDeleteHi, I've given you a blog award on http://bubbatajourney.blogspot.com/
ReplyDeleteMrs Bubba T xx