I'm so weary.
I find myself wondering why I am continuing to push myself so hard (both physically and emotionally) to get knocked up. Why am I so single-minded in this pursuit?
Do I really want my husband's baby this much? Or am I just unwilling to admit there is something I can't do? I've spent so much of my life being told by people who love me that I shouldn't give up on some endeavor or other just because I was struggling, just because it was hard, just because I didn't see instant success. Always kinda made me feel like they thought I was being a quitter. Nobody likes a quitter, right?
Don't give up.
You can do anything you set your mind to.
Have I reached the point that I'm just doing this to prove that I can? And to whom am I proving this... myself, the Professor, our families (who don't even know we're trying), the world at large? I don't know the answer to that, and I'm not sure I want to. But I do know that we haven't yet exhausted our options or our resources. We haven't tried everything we can. And I know that I don't want to look back in 10 to 20 years and regret not trying every possible option. So we continue... as soon as we get the all clear in January.