Monday, November 8, 2010

All Eyes On the Scoreboard

I'm staring down yet another CD1 and contemplating my third benched cycle in a row. We go in for our second opinion tomorrow morning and may or may not be getting some new ideas. With only two covered injectible cycles left on my insurance, it seems wise to hold them in reserve pending new information and a potential change of plan.

In ten days, on November 18, we will hit our one year anniversary in fertility treatments. Like the rest of you, I never expected it to take this long or require this much effort. It's been a busy year to say the least. As we approach the twelve month mark, our IF scoreboard reads as follows:

CD1s: 12
IUIs: 6
Clomid Cycles: 5
Injectible Cycles: 2
Benched Cycles: 5
Pregnancies: 1
Miscarriages: 1

Those last two are a real kicker, huh? Looking at those numbers, I know we've done a lot this year treatment-wise. I think if we had done any more, we would literally be done at this point, yet I've been feeling guilty for not jumping immediately back into treatment as soon as the last cyst resolved. I even felt guilty the one cycle I took off this summer to preserve my sanity from the Clomid Crazies. The first CD1 after the most recent cyst fell at an incredibly inconvenient time, but if I had been more motivated, I probably could have found a way to squeeze in a baseline appointment. And this month, it is only the voice of fiscal responsibility cautioning me to conserve my insurance coverage that is keeping me from pursuing treatment. Both months perfectly good reasons to skip a cycle, and yet I feel this guilt.


  1. It's totally normal to feel like you do. I'm hoping you get some really great answers in tomorrow's consult/2nd opinion and maybe, just maybe, this will be the answer you've been looking for. xo

  2. Good luck at the consult and keep us posted.

  3. Damn, I am sorry that you are approaching such a sucky anniversary. I remember when I used to tell myself the longer I tried the closer I got, ahh the naievete! I do hope tomorrow's appointment brings you some answers and a plan. Good luck!

  4. Do not feel guilty. You do what you feel is right and what you feel like is the good decision. I hope you get some awesome plans at your second opinion. Good luck!

  5. I know that guilt. I have it for not researching clinics properly the first time round, not getting tested earlier, not taking supplements earlier, basically not knowing a year ago what I know now... And it was that guilt that made me go ahead with IVF #3 at a time which could hardly have been more inconvenient, because once my hormones finally started to behave, I didn't have the nerve to put it off another month.

    I say try to forget the guilt, and do what you feel is right for you right now.

    Hope all goes well with today's appointment x

  6. I hate those stats :( I'm so sorry that this struggle is dragging out ever longer. But second opinions promise hope, and so do new tries and new treatments.

    Thinking of you.