Friday, April 6, 2012

Points of Discussion

I thought that for posterity and the benefit of anyone else who is struggling with deciding between DEIVF and childless/free living, I would post a list of the points that Prof and I touched on during our week of daily discussions.
  • Feeling that we are "tempting fate" and we will land on the bad side of the statistics again.
  • Fear of being unable to protect our child or sufficiently control the environment.
  • Fear of allowing child to supplant spouse in importance.
  • There is NO GOING BACK.
  • We don't want to raise children in our current location... this means a probable move out of the country.
  • We need to seek out more parenting success stories to balance out all of the negatives we see.
  • We are no longer afraid of living childfree since we've been doing that all along, so it feels safer.
It seems like a lot of "negatives", but the point was really to address our fears so that we could move forward. One comforting thought we tossed around was the acknowledgement that it is easier to conquer your fears when you have someone else to be brave FOR.

Somehow, the act of airing these concerns and writing them down took a lot of their power away. They are all still there, but they are no longer holding us back.


  1. I think this list is great. "Fear of allowing child to supplant spouse in importance" is not something I considered before having a child. While obviously having a child was going to change our day-to-day lives, I wouldn't have thought she would really change the relationship dynamic much. To my surprise, I do struggle with that a little now (especially since I was in the hospital for two days after she arrived and he didn't even visit... which I'm obviously still a little upset about!). We're a good team though and I don't see it a long-term problem... just a little adjustment. You and the Prof are smart for airing these concerns now. (Also, I'm curious about the moving out of the country one?)

  2. This list reminds me so much of the things that my husband and I discussed before we pursued adoption. They are all valid concerns, and you did the right thing by talking about them now rather than later (or never at all).