It was only meant to be a quick tweet to let @IVFandMe know that I was feeling the same way she was. I'll be honest... since stopping treatment, I've filtered the number of Twitter accounts I normally see in my feed to about 15. I just can't handle any more than that. So, I forgot how many Twitter followers we had in common and suddenly we're in the middle of a whole discussion and I am reminded that once our words leave us, they are open to interpretation. Don't get me wrong, no one was upset. They were all trying to be supportive and encouraging, but the thing that startled me was just how frustrated I felt when I realized that only a few of the tweeps who joined the conversation appeared to actually understand where the original comment was coming from. And to be fair, perhaps that was just MY misinterpretation.
But it only served to highlight the point I was making in the first place.
I have reached a place where I'm not sure how I fit in amongst my IF friends. Like @IVFandMe said: Still infertile but no longer trying, no more treatments, no foster/adoption, no baby loss from which to recover. Facing the rest of my life stretched out in front of me childfree by circumstance. I am by no means alone, but let's face it. MOST of us in the IF community end up with a child one way or another. I feel bad that I have a hard time providing much support to the rest of you because I'm still working so hard to wrap my mind around my current reality and I don't know when it's going to get any easier.
I hate to come across as ungrateful for the support, but I'm not looking for sunshine and platitudes. Don't worry, I don't feel like I "gave up" and I know that even those of us who go on to hold our babies remain infertile at heart. I know I'm not alone. But the struggle I am facing right now is entirely in my head and I'm the only one that can fight it. I definitely feel like the odd man out and I'm having trouble seeing much point to being here.
