Now that we're in April, I can announce that I hate the month of March. It's the most miserable month for weather. Every climate I've lived in has basically sucked in the month of March. In Texas it was windstorms and pouring rain and tornadoes. In Florida, it was generally nice enough but not quite warm enough for the beach (a truly grave disappointment in my early 20s). Now that we live so far north, March wavers between more damn snow and rain that melts what snow there is, leaving everything a gloomy mud color.
The weather is the least of my dislike though. Year after year, the blasted month of March drops some kind of bombshell on me. I've grown accustomed to it. Every year, I hope this will be the year that breaks the streak even as I brace myself for whatever might be around the corner.
This year, I thought that by NOT mentioning it, I might be able to break the streak. When we had reached the second to last day of March with no disasters, I kept my mouth shut lest I jinx this seemingly brilliant luck. I should have known better.
As disasters go, it certainly wasn't dire, but on March 31st, we got our tax forms in the mail from our accountant. I then had to wave good-bye to nearly $2,000 that I'd been hoping would go towards IVF. As disasters go, I guess it could been so much worse. Other years have certainly dealt more serious blows and at least we had the cash saved up and could pay up without penalty and interest. Still.
Showing posts with label OUCH. Show all posts
Showing posts with label OUCH. Show all posts
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Saturday, December 11, 2010
I Woke Up!
Obviously, or you wouldn't be reading this!
A big warm fuzzy hug to all of my Twitter girls who checked in on me throughout the day yesterday! That was so heartwarming - thank you all!
The hysteroscopy is done and dusted. The pre-op nurse thought I was so very funny because of the expression on my face when she went to insert the IV. I didn't see any humor there.
I admit, I don't cope well with the pre-op experience. I have some pretty deep seated fears of the anesthesia. I am terrified of not being in control of my body, and equally concerned about the possibility of not waking up (though that, at least, would be painless). So there I am struggling just to stay in the chair, and not pull out the IV and break for the door, and I have to be interviewed by every freaking member of the surgical team in turn without breaking into tears (because they really don't like that). It was exhausting.
I remember laying down on the table and getting hooked up to the monitors, then my RE poking his head in and asking me to confirm my identity. Then nothing until I woke up in recovery freezing cold and shaking and with a damn painful need to pee. Turns out I can't perform on a bedpan... it's a toilet or nothing for this girl. I was in a fair bit of pain in recovery, so they gave me a perc.ocet with my ginger ale and I haven't had any pain since. I did not puke this time! Small victories.
I slept on and off for the rest of the day. Every time I tried to sit up for more than a few minutes, or eat something, I got nauseated. Professor very kindly went out in search of cookies during the evening, when that was the only thought my stomach didn't rebel at. I eventually managed some chicken noodle soup and crackers with my ginger ale, and this morning I felt back to normal. Yay!
I got to take home three large, glossy photos of my polyp. It turned out to be just one, but it was long and twisty. The RE said it was a little bit bigger than expected (though still very small) and he had to use a different tool than usual to remove it, but he was happy with the end result. I did get a really flattering and surprisingly comfortable pair of soft, stretchy boy shorts to wear home. When did hospital undies get so fashion conscious?
Questions I asked before they put me out, that I do remember the answers to:
How long should I expect to bleed?
Light spotting for 2-14 days, everyone is different.
When can we have sex?
No penetration till after the post-op appointment on January 6.
When can we cycle again?
As expected, this depends on when I get my next period. And what I didn't realize, is that when you go under general anesthesia, your cycle can reset itself. There's no way of knowing where you are in your cycle when you wake up. So this is a wait-&-see situation.
Does the cervical manipulation involved increase the likelihood that I could need a rescue cerclage in a subsequent pregnancy?
My RE doesn't think so.
A big warm fuzzy hug to all of my Twitter girls who checked in on me throughout the day yesterday! That was so heartwarming - thank you all!
The hysteroscopy is done and dusted. The pre-op nurse thought I was so very funny because of the expression on my face when she went to insert the IV. I didn't see any humor there.
I admit, I don't cope well with the pre-op experience. I have some pretty deep seated fears of the anesthesia. I am terrified of not being in control of my body, and equally concerned about the possibility of not waking up (though that, at least, would be painless). So there I am struggling just to stay in the chair, and not pull out the IV and break for the door, and I have to be interviewed by every freaking member of the surgical team in turn without breaking into tears (because they really don't like that). It was exhausting.
I remember laying down on the table and getting hooked up to the monitors, then my RE poking his head in and asking me to confirm my identity. Then nothing until I woke up in recovery freezing cold and shaking and with a damn painful need to pee. Turns out I can't perform on a bedpan... it's a toilet or nothing for this girl. I was in a fair bit of pain in recovery, so they gave me a perc.ocet with my ginger ale and I haven't had any pain since. I did not puke this time! Small victories.
I slept on and off for the rest of the day. Every time I tried to sit up for more than a few minutes, or eat something, I got nauseated. Professor very kindly went out in search of cookies during the evening, when that was the only thought my stomach didn't rebel at. I eventually managed some chicken noodle soup and crackers with my ginger ale, and this morning I felt back to normal. Yay!
I got to take home three large, glossy photos of my polyp. It turned out to be just one, but it was long and twisty. The RE said it was a little bit bigger than expected (though still very small) and he had to use a different tool than usual to remove it, but he was happy with the end result. I did get a really flattering and surprisingly comfortable pair of soft, stretchy boy shorts to wear home. When did hospital undies get so fashion conscious?
Questions I asked before they put me out, that I do remember the answers to:
How long should I expect to bleed?
Light spotting for 2-14 days, everyone is different.
When can we have sex?
No penetration till after the post-op appointment on January 6.
When can we cycle again?
As expected, this depends on when I get my next period. And what I didn't realize, is that when you go under general anesthesia, your cycle can reset itself. There's no way of knowing where you are in your cycle when you wake up. So this is a wait-&-see situation.
Does the cervical manipulation involved increase the likelihood that I could need a rescue cerclage in a subsequent pregnancy?
My RE doesn't think so.
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Voodoo (or No Pain, No Gain)
I have this strange way of thinking about pain and illness. This has only really occurred to me as my periods have gotten heavier and crampier over the past few months. I feel like when my body gets sick, it has a natural process for ridding itself of the offending intruder or healing the injury and I have this almost superstitious belief that if I take medicine to dull pain or dry up mucous or whatever, it will slow down or somehow derail my body's natural healing process.
I suspect that if I take a pain pill, it will make it take longer for my period to be over. That by dulling the pain and mellowing the cramps, I'm actually stretching out the process. That somehow the more it hurts, the better my uterus will be cleaned out of the blood. When I had my miscarriage, I wouldn't take the vic.odin until it was all over and I wanted to sleep hard. I think of myself as a total wuss, but I seem to have a higher tolerance for pain than I once thought.
My reluctance to take pain pills is increased by the fact that acetaminophen does absolutely nothing for me and never has. I have an unfortunate reaction to ibuprofen, and you can only take so much naproxen per day. Since I do sometimes get debilitating migraines and episodes of sciatica, I have a prescription for ketoprofen which I hoard like magic beans.
This last time around, the cramps were so bad I had to take a pain pill.
I'm hoping there's someone out there that can tell me I'm not crazy.
I suspect that if I take a pain pill, it will make it take longer for my period to be over. That by dulling the pain and mellowing the cramps, I'm actually stretching out the process. That somehow the more it hurts, the better my uterus will be cleaned out of the blood. When I had my miscarriage, I wouldn't take the vic.odin until it was all over and I wanted to sleep hard. I think of myself as a total wuss, but I seem to have a higher tolerance for pain than I once thought.
My reluctance to take pain pills is increased by the fact that acetaminophen does absolutely nothing for me and never has. I have an unfortunate reaction to ibuprofen, and you can only take so much naproxen per day. Since I do sometimes get debilitating migraines and episodes of sciatica, I have a prescription for ketoprofen which I hoard like magic beans.
This last time around, the cramps were so bad I had to take a pain pill.
I'm hoping there's someone out there that can tell me I'm not crazy.
Monday, July 26, 2010
For My Next Trick
I'm back! I had a great visit with my BFF, and I'm home. I REALLY don't want to go back to work.
*sigh*
Anyhow... we had our follow-up consult with the RE last week. We're changing things up! Once this "resting" cycle is over, we'll be starting injectibles.
Whoa. For realz y'all.
The RE was still confident that Clom.id would eventually do the trick, but also agreed that we would be smart to step up the game. So we're switching to Go.nal-F plus Ovid.rel. He mentioned the increased chances at pregnancy (10% increased to 20%) and the increased chances of multiples (again 10% increased to 20%). It also means a lot more monitoring, so more time out of the office.
And shots. I'm such a wuss. *shudder*
We sat with a nurse and got the run-down on the injections, plus a little practice kit so we could familiarize ourselves with the injector. We played around with the demo pen for while. Seems pretty simple. She also gave us samples of a new alcohol swab from Walgr.eens that has a mild anesthetic in it. Apparently, other patients have been reporting good things about these new swabs. I'm game!
The nurse will sort out the pre-authorizations and order the meds for me. I just have to call the pharmacy this week to arrange for the delivery (and find out how much it will cost).
Anyone else who has used this same protocol out there... what side effects (if any) did you notice?
*sigh*
Anyhow... we had our follow-up consult with the RE last week. We're changing things up! Once this "resting" cycle is over, we'll be starting injectibles.
Whoa. For realz y'all.
The RE was still confident that Clom.id would eventually do the trick, but also agreed that we would be smart to step up the game. So we're switching to Go.nal-F plus Ovid.rel. He mentioned the increased chances at pregnancy (10% increased to 20%) and the increased chances of multiples (again 10% increased to 20%). It also means a lot more monitoring, so more time out of the office.
And shots. I'm such a wuss. *shudder*
We sat with a nurse and got the run-down on the injections, plus a little practice kit so we could familiarize ourselves with the injector. We played around with the demo pen for while. Seems pretty simple. She also gave us samples of a new alcohol swab from Walgr.eens that has a mild anesthetic in it. Apparently, other patients have been reporting good things about these new swabs. I'm game!
The nurse will sort out the pre-authorizations and order the meds for me. I just have to call the pharmacy this week to arrange for the delivery (and find out how much it will cost).
Anyone else who has used this same protocol out there... what side effects (if any) did you notice?
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Lather. Rinse. Repeat.
Thirty days after the miscarriage, I got my period again. Baseline ultrasound completed, non-pregnancy status confirmed and Cycle #14 was under way. Clomid/IUI with home OPK testing. This time I bought the expensive OPKs and everything went according to plan (well, mostly).
OPK +
IUI completed +
2WW =
BFN
The BFN wasn't part of the plan. Neither was the cyst they saw on my left ovary at the CD2 baseline ultrasound for Cycle #15 "the Cycle of the Cyst", which was now off the books.
BUT WAIT! That's not ALL!! Don't you want to see else you've won!?! It's an all expenses covered breast exam/mammogram/sonogram for that horrible pain and scary lump in your left breast!
(cue audience cheering)
After what my poor mother went through only months earlier, I was not fucking around with this! I took yet another half day off work, got to my midwife for a breast exam which got me an immediate call to the breast imaging clinic downstairs from the midwife. It must have been a slow day (or my midwife must have been REALLY concerned about what she felt) because they told me to just come right on downstairs and they'd see me then.
The first time I ever had a mammogram (we're very lumpy in my family, so I started early), it really didn't hurt but it was definitely uncomfortable. This was a different story. When there's something in there that's already hurting, the mammogram SUCKS! I won't lie - I cried. In the end, once again, it was worth it.
Diagnosis: cyst. Probably related to the hormonal fluctuations from the Clomid. Ten days later, the cyst and accompanying pain were gone.
None of this stopped us from continuing our quest unaided by medical science. Not surprisingly, my period showed up again. Baseline ultrasound completed, non-pregnancy status confirmed and Cycle #16 was a go. Clomid/IUI with home OPK testing. We've been here before.
OPK +
IUI completed +
2WW =
BFN
OPK +
IUI completed +
2WW =
BFN
The BFN wasn't part of the plan. Neither was the cyst they saw on my left ovary at the CD2 baseline ultrasound for Cycle #15 "the Cycle of the Cyst", which was now off the books.
BUT WAIT! That's not ALL!! Don't you want to see else you've won!?! It's an all expenses covered breast exam/mammogram/sonogram for that horrible pain and scary lump in your left breast!
(cue audience cheering)
After what my poor mother went through only months earlier, I was not fucking around with this! I took yet another half day off work, got to my midwife for a breast exam which got me an immediate call to the breast imaging clinic downstairs from the midwife. It must have been a slow day (or my midwife must have been REALLY concerned about what she felt) because they told me to just come right on downstairs and they'd see me then.
The first time I ever had a mammogram (we're very lumpy in my family, so I started early), it really didn't hurt but it was definitely uncomfortable. This was a different story. When there's something in there that's already hurting, the mammogram SUCKS! I won't lie - I cried. In the end, once again, it was worth it.
Diagnosis: cyst. Probably related to the hormonal fluctuations from the Clomid. Ten days later, the cyst and accompanying pain were gone.
None of this stopped us from continuing our quest unaided by medical science. Not surprisingly, my period showed up again. Baseline ultrasound completed, non-pregnancy status confirmed and Cycle #16 was a go. Clomid/IUI with home OPK testing. We've been here before.
OPK +
IUI completed +
2WW =
BFN
Saturday, May 29, 2010
HSG - OMG!
December 2009 - Cycle #13 (cont'd)
After 21 years of close encounters with speculums (speculi? specula?), my HSG was the first time I was ever tempted to pick my foot up out of the stirrup and kick the practitioner in the teeth!
It was my misfortune that my fertility clinic isn't permitted to perform the HSG in their facility, but instead must send their patients to the hospital to which the clinic is attached. So, rather than sitting in the plush, cozy clinic waiting room with the gourmet coffee and the original artwork, the Professor and I sat in hard plastic chairs in a narrow hallway in the hospital basement. And instead of the usual middle aged, well-practiced nurse confidently wielding a pre-warmed speculum, I was confronted by a somewhat awkward 16 year old boy (OK maybe he wasn't 16, but he was WAY younger than me) who may well never have held a speculum before in his life and certainly had no idea what to do with the one he was trying to use on me.
OMG. OUCH.
He eventually called a nurse over and she gave him some pointers, but I kept wishing she would just take over for him. At any rate, speculum finally in place (if not comfortable), he then proceeded to experience the same difficulty with the cervical catheter.
OMFG. OUCH. OUCH. OUCH.
More advice from Nurse Sidelines and a call for delivery of a different type of catheter, and lo and behold! I'm curvy on the inside as well as the outside! You gotta bend that thing before it will go anywhere!
I suppose in the end it was all worth it, because Dr. Babyface did at least know how to read the images - all clear, structurally speaking. One more hurdle cleared!
After 21 years of close encounters with speculums (speculi? specula?), my HSG was the first time I was ever tempted to pick my foot up out of the stirrup and kick the practitioner in the teeth!
It was my misfortune that my fertility clinic isn't permitted to perform the HSG in their facility, but instead must send their patients to the hospital to which the clinic is attached. So, rather than sitting in the plush, cozy clinic waiting room with the gourmet coffee and the original artwork, the Professor and I sat in hard plastic chairs in a narrow hallway in the hospital basement. And instead of the usual middle aged, well-practiced nurse confidently wielding a pre-warmed speculum, I was confronted by a somewhat awkward 16 year old boy (OK maybe he wasn't 16, but he was WAY younger than me) who may well never have held a speculum before in his life and certainly had no idea what to do with the one he was trying to use on me.
OMG. OUCH.
He eventually called a nurse over and she gave him some pointers, but I kept wishing she would just take over for him. At any rate, speculum finally in place (if not comfortable), he then proceeded to experience the same difficulty with the cervical catheter.
OMFG. OUCH. OUCH. OUCH.
More advice from Nurse Sidelines and a call for delivery of a different type of catheter, and lo and behold! I'm curvy on the inside as well as the outside! You gotta bend that thing before it will go anywhere!
I suppose in the end it was all worth it, because Dr. Babyface did at least know how to read the images - all clear, structurally speaking. One more hurdle cleared!
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