19 Weeks (and All's Well...)

Sorry for the delay in posting, but we took a short trip out of town for a family reunion and then I had a crazy week at work. Thanks so much for all of the lovely comments and support in recent weeks (months). For now, I'm feeling pretty good. Pretty calm.

We had our scan last week two weeks ago and everything looks good so far. The Inhabitant was laying in a somewhat stubborn position, so the tech couldn't get all the measurements she wanted. We just have to go back for another pass. Oh darn. I did at least get confirmation that my placenta is in a good place and my cervix is long and closed, so those worries are put to rest for the time being.

People are starting to ask questions about our plans for various bits and pieces of the pregnancy, birth and homecoming. They always take me by surprise... and "OH RIGHT! This might just end with us bringing home an infant! OMG I can't think about that right now." So yeah. That's where I'm at. Ostrichville. I'm making any and all commitments only when absolutely necessary.

Along those lines, we received our first baby gift last week. It was very sweet, but I would have preferred for that milestone to come a little later. Oddly enough, nobody asked me my opinion. After we opened the gift, I wrapped it back up and tucked it aside. Not like there is ANYWHERE in this house for us to store baby stuff yet. My due date is late July so Prof and I have agreed to think about the nursery in May.

Ostrichville, population 2 (or three if we count the Inhabitant).

Limbo

It's where we're at...

It's been five weeks since our last scan, nearly two weeks since we last heard the heart beat. One more week to the next scan. I may or may not have felt movement once or twice. Can't be sure. I've been afraid to invest in a doppler, since I know I would freak the fuck out if I couldn't find the heart beat. Too much room for user error in the hands of... well, me. I haven't exactly been feeling fabulous, but there's nothing unusual going on. I've outgrown all my bras, pants and skirts, but I still don't look like I'm actually pregnant. More like I've been hitting the cookie jar too hard, or the cheese plates. So, Limbo.

PVCs: Ongoing, but the cardiologist is now confident that there is nothing to be worried about. All tests came back clean and it looks like these are just more of my usual PVCs, triggered by the pregnancy hormones. The doctor won't intervene unless things get much worse. I did get cleared for light cardio, so I'm back on my elliptical and using my hand weights in an effort to keep strong.
Constipation: Sorted via prune juice, copious Mexican food and Activia. Thank you to the twitters for all the recommendations!
Congestion/Headaches/Nausea: All normal second trimester stuff, so says the midwife. Nausea likely due to combination of postnasal drip and headaches. Sudafed and Tylenol approved and helping.
Boobs: Off the hook.
Belly: Expanding. Solidly into maternity pants/jeans, but still able to dress discreetly so that no one would notice any change. Wondering how long till the first coworker twigs to the situation. Not going to announce at work, so it is my own little game to see how long it takes for people to pick up on it.
Telling: We sent an email to friends and family and gave the parents permission to start talking about the pregnancy. The message was brief and to the point, including a reference to our egg donor but giving no details. I am surprised and relieved that not one person has asked a single question about the egg donor (particularly certain family members), but everyone has been unanimously thrilled for us. I also told my boss, purely for practical reasons. She will want to hire a temp to cover for me, and she will also be a big help navigating the institutional maternity leave process since she's done it twice now. This also gets me out of any work travel responsibilities (not strictly necessary, but I'm not complaining).
Anxiety: Through the roof. I have reached the point where I'm less worried about there being something wrong with the Inhabitant and much, much, more worried about my body simply failing at pregnancy. I have no evidence to prompt this concern, but since when do we need evidence to worry about something?

Cardio (and I don't mean exercise)

So that was fun. NOT.

I've noticed over the last couple of weeks that my Bigeminy PVCs have been happening more frequently and my resting heart rate is about 20 bpm higher than normal. I've also been getting really out of breath when going up the stairs at home. Coupled with my slightly elevated blood pressure, the midwife and I decided it would be best to check in with a cardiologist.

My appointment was today and I won myself 24 hours in a harness monitor and an echo-cardiogram next week. While the harness monitor does suck, the worst part is that I have to have my appointments at the actual hospital. Which is under construction. And (obviously) overflowing with sick people. My anxiety was through the roof. And I think they had the heat turned up to about 85F.

Diagnosis? Meh. Probably nothing unusual, but we're doing the tests anyways. EKG looked fine if a little fast. Will have more data next week.

Homework (or 2012 in Review)

Back in December, one of my twitter friends mentioned that she felt like she hadn't done anything in 2012 besides trying to (and failing to) become a parent. Knowing this to be untrue, I assigned her some homework. I told her I wanted to see a list of at least one fun/cool/brave thing she had done for each month of 2012 outside of family building efforts.

Upon reflection, I decided that I should make my own list to remind me that 2012 was more than just the Year of the Donor Egg. Without further ado:

January - Prof and I went outside and took nighttime self-portraits in a snowstorm.
February - BFF(H) came for a long weekend and we all went night sledding.
March - I kind of lost March... we had an early spring and I know I did a lot of gardening.
April - I donated the last of my unused IVF meds to another couple with no Rx coverage.
May - I met @thisispersonal and she bought me my first martini in NYC.
June - Prof and I planted an herb garden along the side of our house.
July - I tried dragon fruit for the first time and my mom came for a visit.
August - We attended the wedding of a long time friend.
September - I turned 40 and survived the experience.
October - Prof and I took a torchlight tour of our local cemetery.
November - I voted. Not my first time, but it always feels like such a big deal.
December - Spent the holidays with all four of our parents in the same house.

I also thought I'd follow up on my New Year's Resolutions from 2012. I think we only missed one month of photos (March again... what on earth was I doing in March?). I also managed to get cards to my grandma all but one month (not March this time) and talked to both of my parents at least once per week, if not always on Sunday. I did not get a new job title, though it was a near miss. I did at least get the pay raise that was supposed to accompany the new job title. So pretty good results. My resolution for this year may just be to keep it up.

First Trimester Down

THAT's hard to believe... We had our scan last week followed by some blood work. I've waited to post since we didn't get our actual results till the blood work came back. All appears to be well! Our risk for Down's and Trisomy18 is low and my midwife was very pleased.

The scan took about thirty minutes and involved lots of different views of the inhabitant from different angles. We saw two arms, two legs, a little facial profile, a little brain and even some fingers. There was a lot of jumping around going on as well, which made me wonder how I could possibly NOT be feeling it. But I'm not. The tech took all the necessary measurements and gave us a couple of pictures to take home.

The big topic of debate around here now is... when do we go public? The parents are bugging us weekly about when they can start telling people. Statistically, at this point things are probably going to be just fine. Being part of this community has given us far too many glimpses of ways that this COULD go wrong even now, and it's hard to trust the statistics after all we have gone through. On the other hand, this will be our only pregnancy and it would be nice to enjoy it. It would be nice to let our parents enjoy it.

Further to that debate, is the question of how much to share when we do go public. I feel pretty strongly that NOT sharing the fact that we used donor eggs would be doing a disservice to other infertile couples. I wouldn't want to distress any infertile friends with our announcement. I also don't want to perpetuate the myth that women can just up and get pregnant at my age when most can't. We agreed before we stepped onto this path that we didn't ever want our use of donor eggs to be perceived as secret or shameful, because we don't want the child to feel ashamed. The tricky bit is that once that information is out there, we can't get it back.

So yeah... debate ongoing.