Feelings
Hope of finally seeing a BFP and a heartbeat.
Absolute certainty that this cycle will not work.
Terror at the notion of telling our parents, either way.
Stress and anxiety stemming from our busy season at work.
Relief that our busy season at work wrapped up on Saturday.
Happy that BFF(H) is pregnant and NOT suffering secondary IF (there was some concern).
Disbelief at the pregnancy announcement from the couple whose wedding we attended in August. Who am I kidding... disbelief isn't really the word.
Numbness
What if DEIVF works for us and we actually get a take-home baby?
What if DEIVF doesn't work for us?
I keep remembering BFF(B) asking me how I felt about all this. I still don't know... I somehow just don't. Either way, I just want to get on with my life. I really need to start remembering my mouth guard at night. My lips are numb from clenching my jaw.
Cycle Update
My lup.ron shots are under way. The crazy kicked in pretty fast this time, but I've been riding it out better knowing it for what it is. I will start estrogen later this week and if it goes like last time, that will make me feel much better in no time. I'm not sure what's going on with our donor, but I'm assuming all is well or they would call us. I know they will call when they schedule her retrieval, but that is quite a ways off still.
Sunday, October 14, 2012
Friday, September 28, 2012
Paying Our Dues (UPDATED)
We handed in our payment for our upcoming donor egg cycle today.
First thing this morning, we went to the bank to get a cashiers check for the clinic. It should be noted that I NEVER go into the bank. I normally do everything either online or at the ATM, but this had to be done in person. Due to amount on the check, we had to provide the payee name. I deliberately did not look at the teller when I handed her the form. When she handed us the transaction receipt, I didn't see the processing fee so I asked her which account she took it from and she just waved a hand and said, "Don't worry about it". It was only five dollars, but it was a nice gesture so I thanked her and we left.
As we got into the car, Prof mentioned that he always seems to get that same teller when he goes to the bank and they always chat. I commented that it was nice of her to waive the check fee and he told me that he was looking at her face when I handed her the form and "she went soft around the eyes when she read it".
All of our paperwork has been signed and delivered.
Our cycle is paid in full.
My meds have been delivered.
My mid-cycle monitoring has been scheduled.
I start my shots in a little more than week.
We will know our results by American Thanksgiving.
UPDATED: By some minor miracle, my insurance covered all of MY meds for this cycle except the Lup.ron (which is only $200). They weren't covered for the mock cycle, but they are this time. And switching the estrogen patches to a different brand in order to get a smaller patch meant they were covered too - nearly 60 patches for just a $35 copay. I hope these are signs of good things to come and not the universe trying to soften the blow.
First thing this morning, we went to the bank to get a cashiers check for the clinic. It should be noted that I NEVER go into the bank. I normally do everything either online or at the ATM, but this had to be done in person. Due to amount on the check, we had to provide the payee name. I deliberately did not look at the teller when I handed her the form. When she handed us the transaction receipt, I didn't see the processing fee so I asked her which account she took it from and she just waved a hand and said, "Don't worry about it". It was only five dollars, but it was a nice gesture so I thanked her and we left.
As we got into the car, Prof mentioned that he always seems to get that same teller when he goes to the bank and they always chat. I commented that it was nice of her to waive the check fee and he told me that he was looking at her face when I handed her the form and "she went soft around the eyes when she read it".
All of our paperwork has been signed and delivered.
Our cycle is paid in full.
My meds have been delivered.
My mid-cycle monitoring has been scheduled.
I start my shots in a little more than week.
We will know our results by American Thanksgiving.
UPDATED: By some minor miracle, my insurance covered all of MY meds for this cycle except the Lup.ron (which is only $200). They weren't covered for the mock cycle, but they are this time. And switching the estrogen patches to a different brand in order to get a smaller patch meant they were covered too - nearly 60 patches for just a $35 copay. I hope these are signs of good things to come and not the universe trying to soften the blow.
Saturday, September 8, 2012
Hurry Up and Wait
Our donor got her period and we are both on BCP now. Yes, it IS pretty weird to think that she is somewhere across town gearing up for this cycle and she too is hoping we get a take-home baby. We have a tentative calendar. I take my BCP from today and start my other meds in October. We are targeting to transfer in early November and hope to know the outcome by American Thanksgiving.
Since this will be our first time doing a transfer, it will also be our first experience with PIO. I have already been informed by the nurse that I will take my PIO in the AM and progesterone supps in the PM. Not either/or. It has to be both. I am pushing to have those reversed as I would much prefer to do the PIO in the evening when I can sulk on a heating pad afterwards rather than rushing off to work for the day. She did say she would ask the doctor.
We have updated our families and they are suitably excited. We aren't giving out specific information like exact timelines. I just don't want to feel like I need to send out a newsletter every time we have an appointment or a call from the RE. Unfortunately, I feel like I'm having some trouble managing my father's expectations. He is just SO excited...
I also told my BFF (once again, just the basics). She kept asking, "How do you feel about this?" Honestly, I didn't even know how to answer that. Anxious, excited, hopeful, scared... mostly disbelieving and a little "blank" inside. Clearly I'm protecting myself from a negative outcome. It's just that it's still so hard to imagine anything working for us. She said to me, "It will feel more real when you see the positive." I replied that I think maybe it would feel more real at 24 weeks. I could tell from the look on her face that she gets it.
Since this will be our first time doing a transfer, it will also be our first experience with PIO. I have already been informed by the nurse that I will take my PIO in the AM and progesterone supps in the PM. Not either/or. It has to be both. I am pushing to have those reversed as I would much prefer to do the PIO in the evening when I can sulk on a heating pad afterwards rather than rushing off to work for the day. She did say she would ask the doctor.
We have updated our families and they are suitably excited. We aren't giving out specific information like exact timelines. I just don't want to feel like I need to send out a newsletter every time we have an appointment or a call from the RE. Unfortunately, I feel like I'm having some trouble managing my father's expectations. He is just SO excited...
I also told my BFF (once again, just the basics). She kept asking, "How do you feel about this?" Honestly, I didn't even know how to answer that. Anxious, excited, hopeful, scared... mostly disbelieving and a little "blank" inside. Clearly I'm protecting myself from a negative outcome. It's just that it's still so hard to imagine anything working for us. She said to me, "It will feel more real when you see the positive." I replied that I think maybe it would feel more real at 24 weeks. I could tell from the look on her face that she gets it.
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Match Made
We have an egg donor.
We received the profile last week, sat with it over the weekend and accepted it today.
As I've mentioned previously, our clinic's donor program is strictly anonymous so the information we have to go on is pretty minimal. She is in her mid-twenties and very healthy and her family medical history is outstanding. We do have slightly more detail than that, but I don't think I'll be posting it here. The donor program coordinator (who has met her in person) says that her body type and general appearance are a good match for mine, though we would never be mistaken for one another.
That's all I need to know.
This is so surreal. I feel like I'm living in a sci-fi novel.
We received the profile last week, sat with it over the weekend and accepted it today.
As I've mentioned previously, our clinic's donor program is strictly anonymous so the information we have to go on is pretty minimal. She is in her mid-twenties and very healthy and her family medical history is outstanding. We do have slightly more detail than that, but I don't think I'll be posting it here. The donor program coordinator (who has met her in person) says that her body type and general appearance are a good match for mine, though we would never be mistaken for one another.
That's all I need to know.
This is so surreal. I feel like I'm living in a sci-fi novel.
Friday, August 17, 2012
No News
We still have not heard from the clinic about donor profiles. Haven't even heard anything about WHEN we might hear something. Just waiting. Impatiently. Tap, tap, tapping my fingers...
Tripped and fell headlong into the deep, dark, I'm-Going-To-Be-40-In-A-Month hole this week. It's been a rough week. I'm going to refrain from spewing the full depth of the darkness here. Suffice it to say, it's not good.
Tripped and fell headlong into the deep, dark, I'm-Going-To-Be-40-In-A-Month hole this week. It's been a rough week. I'm going to refrain from spewing the full depth of the darkness here. Suffice it to say, it's not good.
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